I’ll Never Tell

[ANYA]
This is the man that I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine
But I’m out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is
I’ll never tell

[XANDER]
She is the one
She's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night when I’m right
In her tight embrace
Tight embrace
I’ll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that-
No
I’ll never tell

[BOTH]
Both: cause there's
Nothing to tell

[ANYA]
He snores

[XANDER]
She wheezes

[ANYA]
Say "housework," and he freezes

[XANDER]
She eats these skeezy cheeses
That I can't describe

[ANYA]
I talk, he breezes

[XANDER]
She doesn't know what please is

[ANYA]
His penis got diseases
From a Chumash tribe

[BOTH]
The vibe gets kind of scary

[XANDER]
Like she thinks I'm ordinary

[ANYA]
Like it's all just temporary

[XANDER]
Like her toes are kind of hairy

[BOTH]
But it's all very well
'Cause God knows
I'll never tell

[ANYA]
When things get rough he
Just hides behind his Buffy
Now look, he's getting huffy
'Cause he knows that I know

[XANDER]
She clings
She's needy
She's also really greedy
She never-

[ANYA]
His eyes are beady

[XANDER]
This is my verse, hello
She -

[ANYA]
Look at me!
I'm dancin' crazy!

[BOTH]
You know

[XANDER]
You're quite the charmer

[ANYA]
My knight in armor

[XANDER]
You're the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple -
Tight embrace

[ANYA]
He's swell

[XANDER]
She's sweller

[ANYA]
He'll always be my feller

[XANDER]
That's why I’ll never
Tell her that I’m petrified

[ANYA]
I’ve read this tale
There's wedding then betrayal
I know there'll come the day
I'll want to run and hide

[BOTH]
I lied
I said it's easy
I’ve tried
But there's these fears I can't quell

[XANDER]
Is she looking for a pot of gold?

[ANYA]
Will I look good when I’ve gotten old?
[Xander]
Will our lives become too stressful
If I’m never that successful?

[ANYA]
When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley

[XANDER]
Am I crazy?

[ANYA]
Am I dreamin'?

[XANDER]
Am I marrying a demon?

[BOTH]
We could really raise the beam
In makin' marriage a hell
So, thank God I'll never tell
I swear that I’ll never tell

[XANDER]
My lips are sealed

[ANYA]
I take the fifth

[XANDER]
Nothing to see
Move it along

[BOTH]
I’ll never
Tell