I’ll Never Be Jealous Again

[MABEL, spoken]
Hinesy, Hinesy.

[HINES, spoken]
I've learned my lesson, Mabel. I'll never be jealous again.

[MABEL, spoken]
You stick to that now.

[HINES, spoken]
Absolutely.

[MABEL]
Now that's easier said than done

[HINES]
I can do it

[MABEL]
I knew it
But let's take an example, just for fun
Picture this
You're sitting here waiting for her to come back from a date

[HINES]
There I am
I'm sitting and waiting for her to come back from a date

[MABEL]
Here she comes
Her blouse is unbuttoned, her stockings are not very straight

[HINES]
Here she comes
Her blouse is unbuttoned, her stockings are not very straight

[MABEL]
Later on
She gets a bouquet with a card in it saying
"To baby, you were great"

(spoken)
Well, Hinesy, what would you do then?

[HINES]
I would trust her
I would trust her
By George, I swear I would trust her
No, I'll never be jealous again

[MABEL, spoken]
Nice work, Hinesy.

[HINES, spoken]
Oh, I know I can do it, Mabel.

[MABEL, spoken]
Now let's take another example.

(sung)
Picture this
You've nothing to do so you drop in to chat for awhile

[HINES]
There I am
With nothing to do so I drop in to chat for awhile

[MABEL]
Something's up
The window is open and Gladys is forcing a smile

[HINES]
Something's up
The window is open and Gladys is forcing a smile

[MABEL]
There you see
A shirt and a tie and pair of pants in a nice neat little pile
(spoken)
Well, Hinesy?

[HINES]
I would trust her
I would trust her
By George, I swear I would trust her
No, I'll never be jealous
I'll never never never never
Never never never never
Never be jealous again

[MABEL, spoken]
That's the stuff, Hinesy. You're practically cured!

[HINES]
There will be no more nightmares to sleep through
No more keyholes to peep through

[MABEL]
No more bushes to creep through

[HINES]
That's my plan

[MABEL]
Well, now that you're a new man
Picture this
You go to your sweetie's apartment, you borrow the keys

[HINES]
There I am
I go to my sweetie's apartment, I borrow the keys

[MABEL]
There she is
She's giving a sailor a very affectionate squeeze

[HINES]
There she is
She's giving a sailor a very affectionate squeeze

[MABEL]
Then, to boot
She tells you she was in the arms of a cousin
Who's back from overseas

[HINES, spoken]
A cousin back from overseas? Do you expect me to bel—

[MABEL, spoken]
Hinesy...

[HINES]
I would trust her
I would trust her
By George, I swear I would trust her
No, I'll never be jealous
I'll never never never never
Never never never never
Never never never never
Never never never
Never be jealous again