I Hope You Like It Here

Scene: "Parlour Games"

(Limmeridge  House. The morning room - light and summery. Marian Halcombe is there. She is in her 30’s - dark, vivacious and attractive although not conventionally pretty. Hartright enters, tired after the night’s exertions. Marian shakes his hand)

[HARTRIGHT]
You  must be Miss Halcombe, I am so sorry-

[MARIAN]
Thank God you have arrived!
You're fated to become
My  drawing teacher
You  poor, poor creature!
Our village is as dull
As  it may first appear
A city mouse in Limmeridge House
I hope you like it here

You’re less than half the age
That  we thought you might be
You’ll feed our hunger
For someone younger
So please unpack your bags
And please be of good cheer
I’m sure you’ll like where you reside
But with respect, I must confide
I can’t abide the Countryside
I hope you like it here!

[HARTRIGHT]
I'm sure I shall-

[MARIAN]
You will be the drawing master
To my sister and to me
Though she learns a little faster
A disaster I will be
We’re the product of one mother
But we come from diff’rent fathers
I think mine, for design
Was completely talent free

Very soon, you'll meet my sister
Well, she's technically my half
But she's my whole world, my sister
Is the wheat, and I'm the chaff
She’s kind and generous and fun
Much younger, and the pretty one

My father was quite poor
Her father’s wealth was vast
So she’ll inherit
And gladly share it
We’re close as two can get
Between us not one tear
Perpetually in harmony
I hope you like it here

Pretty soon you’ll meet my uncle
Whose prognosis is quite grim
He will tell you that his chances
Of recovery are slim
With his bed pan and his hanky
He is terminally cranky
(Though no doctor around's
Found a thing that’s wrong with him)

But how I do go on!
I try to keep it short
Then lose the battle
And simply prattle
My welcome is sincere
We’re thrilled, that’s indisputable
I hope your rooms are suitable
Your sentence is commutable
I hope you’ll like it here!

Scene: "A Servant Arrives and Escorts Hartright to Mr. Fairlie's Dark Study"

(Mr. Fairlie sits beside a portrait of his brother, Philip Fairlie. Mr. Fairlie is in his fifties but looks older; he is frail, morose, pale, crabby, wheelchair-bound)

[SERVANT]
Mr. Walter Hartright

[HARTRIGHT]
Mr. Fairlie!

(Mr. Fairlie looks Hartright up and down)

[MR. FAIRLIE]
You’re younger than I thought
The young are mostly fools
The good time ceases
When with my nieces

[HARTRIGHT]
Yes, I just met-

[Mr. FAIRLIE]
Just go about your task
And try to disappear

(To the servant)

Don’t lurk about, you oafish lout!

(To Hartright)

I trust you’ll like it here

(He gestures to the portrait)

That’s a portrait of my brother
Was the picture of good health
Now he's dead, and I am dying
While I'm living on his wealth

Up until he left for Hades
He was catnip to the ladies
But at least the deceased
Had a modicum of stealth

Well, enough about my family

(To servant)

Would you please adjust my chair?

(to Hartright)

I should send you back to ripen
Like a proper Camembert
Though I should find some other chap
I'd much prefer to take a nap

(To servant who reappears)

I told you to get out!
I simply can’t go on!
My nerves are fraying...

What was I saying?

Oh - mostly I desire
A quiet atmosphere
As silent as a sepulchre
No utterance above a purr

[HARTRIGHT]
May I just-

[MR. FAIRLIE]
Just nod your head if you concur
I trust you'll like it here

Scene: "Hartright Meets Laura"

(Limmeridge House. The conservatory. Later the same morning. Laura is sitting, playing the piano. She is twenty-one, exquisitely beautiful, fair, and she bears a striking resemblance to the woman in white.)

(Hartright enters. He looks at Laura)

[HARTRIGHT]
(softly)
My God...

(Laura is startled and stops playing)

[HARTRIGHT]
You must be Miss Fairlie?
I am Walter Hartright
Forgive me if I scared you

[LAURA]
Not at all!
Welcome!
You're a very nice surprise!

(They look at each other. They smile. Marian enters)