I gave up wanking

I give up wankin this mornin
I never thought that I could
And I'm feeling better already
This time I'm off it for good
When I first wanked I thought I was so clever
And all of me mates, they were mugs
Thought I was the first Bloke here on Earth
Who'd ever played with his slug
It was me own little secret
I never told anyone
And the feelin I got, the first time I shot
Was like chooks flying outta me bum
So I'm givin up wankin' tomorrow
I never thought that I could
I'll be glad to get rid of these headaches
Then I'll be off it for good
I've wanked in some unlikely places
The shower, the beach and the pool
The dunny, a tram and the pictures
Biology classes at school
And once my grandmother caught me
Wanking meself in me room
But to her suprise
I just shut me eyes and imagined her standin there nude
I'm givin up wankin on tuesdee
I never thought that I could
Then I won't squint like I do now
Then I'll be off it for good
Me dad says it's gonna take will-power
There really is no easy trick
I honestly thought I'd need surgery
To help get me hand orf me d***
Me dad's been a great inspiration
He's really been a great help
He knows what I go through
And just what to do
Cause he give it up yest'dee himself
So I'm givin up wankin next Fridee
I never thought that I could
And I won't have to wear these thick glasses
Then I'll be off it for good
So if you say you don't wank
Your a liar
And a fool if you say that you do
So next time you see
Prince Charles on TV
Remember he wanked himself too
So I'm givin up wankin come Christmas
I never thought that I could
And I'll sell me dog and me white cane
And then I'll be off it for good
I'm givin up wankin next Easter
I never thought that I could
And the warts on me hand will just vanish
Then I'll be off it for good
I'm givin up wankin' next August
I never thought that I could.....