I feel like im losing everyone and i dont know what to do

I hate it
It hurts 'cause I am a replacement
When I think of him, I cannot take it
It still hurts me, although my pain faded
Still had so much to tell you, so much to say
I've been waiting for hours to know if your okay
And I knew you're behind it, I lose it, then find it
Years of my life lost, wasted, in hiding