I Don’t Know His Name

[ILONA, spoken]
You belong to a Lonely Hearts Club?

[AMALIA, spoken]
I've never done that sort of thing before
I'd seen the advertisements in the papers

[ILONA, spoken]
Well, who hasn't?
'Young man wants young lady
Young lady wants young man.'

[AMALIA, spoken]
But I've never taken them seriously
Until one day, I saw his advertisement
Even then, I tried not to answer it, really
But it just kept calling out to me

[ILONA, spoken]
He could be seventy five!

[AMALIA, spoken]
No, the advertisement says 'young man.'

[ILONA, spoken]
You haven't even asked for a photograph?!

[AMALIA]
I don't know his name or what he looks like
But I have a much more certain guide
I can tell exactly what he looks like
Inside

When I undertook this correspondence
Little did I know I'd grow so fond
Little did I know our views would so cor-
Respond

He writes me what his feelings are
On Shaw, Flaubert, Chopin, Renoir
The more I read, the more I find
We're one in mind and heart

I know the kind of home we'd share
The books, the prints, the music there
A home, a life, that's warm and full
And rich in love
And art

I don't need to see his handsome profile
I don't need to see his manly frame
All I need to know is in each letter
Each long revealing letter
I couldn't know him better
If I knew his name

(spoken)
Oh, I know him so well, Ilona
I know that he's a very successful person
And terribly well-educated
And he's gentle and kind and soft-spoken
Oh, I know all this about him, and so much more!
I've just never met him, that's all

[ILONA]
If he isn't too handsome
True it doesn't much matter
But his personal habits
Are more important than his looks

Supposing he snores
Like a locomotive?
Supposing he grinds his teeth?
Supposing he's a
Knuckle cracker, Amalia?

Good luck with your books!

And another small detail
That you haven't yet mentioned
I am speaking of sex, dear
When you and he are all alone

Come to think of it
Maybe you're right
Maybe it doesn't matter at that
Maybe I'd do much better myself
With a library card
And a gramophone.

[AMALIA]
He writes his deep-
Est thoughts to me
On Swift, Vermeer
And Debussy

De Mau-
Passant
Dumas, Ducas
Dufy
Dufay, Defoe

He thinks as I
He feels as I
He shares the same
Ideals as I

I'll never find

A man who's so
So
Simpatico
I know
[AMALIA]
I don't need to see his handsome profile
[ILONA]
I was taken in by someone's profile
[AMALIA]
I don't need to see his manly frame
[ILONA]
I was taken in by someone's frame
[AMALIA]
All I need to know is in each letter, each
[ILONA]
How I could have used one

[ILONA & AMALIA]
Long revealing letter

[AMALIA]
I couldn't know him better
[ILONA]
I hope you do much better

[AMALIA]
If I knew his name

[ILONA]
I knew his name

[ILONA & AMALIA]
What's in a name?