I Can’t Stand L.A.

Well I love New York like everyone
And I go to Las Vegas to chill
I like Denver, Colorado, cause it's so laid back
And Chicago keeps it real
Well I only leave Dallas when I have to
But when I do, I like Tulsa OK
And I ain't got nothing against California
But I can't stand L.A

Well Orlando, Florida, it's humid, but it's swell
Austin and Nashville both freakin' rock, (Yes they do!)
And New Orleans is evil, but it's part of the appeal
You can gamble, drink, and swear until you drop. (Handbag!)
The state of Ohio's been great to our band
Along with Philly and Green Bay. (I like cheese)
I got nothin' but love for Hollywood
But I can't stand L.A

I like Salt Lake City
Portland, Frisco, Sante Fe
Indianapolis, Hartford too
Boise, Memphis, Sioux Falls
And of course, KC
Along with Pittsburgh and Kalamazoo. (We've never been there!)
Atlanta is a home away from home
And heres a shout out to Sauget. (We should take a moment to explain where Sauget is.)
Oh yeah, it's St. Louis
And I wish my friends would leave that place
Cause I can't stand L.A

Traffic sucks. No protected lefts. (Yeah, but road rage is so cool.)
Snooty fucks. Pollution fills the air. (Can I smoke outside?)
Gang fights. Seven dollar beer, (That fucking sucks!)
And the threat of breaking off into the sea

And now to give Los Angeles the benefit of the doubt... (What?)

Jimmy Kimmel, In-N-Out, and great sushi
And diversity everywhere
Really hot chicks, wearing next to nothing
And the Santa Monica pier

Thank you for hair metal
And the '84 Olympics
And for BFS radio play
Well, and please don't take this personally
No I'm happy to visit, but I'm happier to leave
And I guess what it is I'm trying to say is
I can't stand L.A