I Apologize

[VERSE]
I think I should apologize
I know you know that this should stop
Yeah, you loved Magdy, think he died
And please excuse pathetic tries
I initiate but I do try to be myself, I can’t comply
And late at night I pray to god
To be the man that I once was 'cause this must stop
Yeah, this must stop
Words I say just piss you off
The more I say, the more it costs
But I can’t lose you, I’m just lost
“I give my all” “Yeah - right buzz off”
Always discord, I can’t discard
Think I hate myself cause, I gave out all my trust
And it’s really been tough when all I feel is vicious paranoia
If it can’t destroy ya, then it keep you up and traps you loyal
To your demons, then I’m conquered by an army of exploitments
Then I madе Aftostochasmós, that voice could just get annoying
And I can’t control it, One soldiеr's down, I gotta hit deployment
Informed or even conscious, it don't matter, just protect the fortress
Get defensive, Get impulsive, Keep it up til' head’s imploded
Go push forward, forget what home is
And I guess we just know who’s faulted

[HOOK]
And I wish that sometimes
I wouldn’t do all the things that I do
Layin so upright, like “what was I thinking when I had to choose”
Now I see the sun rise
‘Nother dawns on me
And I stay confused
I don’t give up with one try
Not really sure what I’m going into

And I wish that sometimes
I wouldn’t do all the things that I do
Now I see the sun rise
‘Nother dawns on me
And I stay confused

[VERSE]
Demons change, none of them can heal the same
Yeah I know a knight is brave, but sometimes I just track back and rearrange
Takin roads that seem like Ls but, eventually prevail
All I'm doing is sacrificing my blood and tears for paint
Dreams never form til' you see dark arises
You can’t keep your guard up when you don’t feel the crisis
I keep fightin' with myself, that’s a gain from a minus
Scenarios inside of my head, prolly make me the wisest
But really guess the price is that -
Everytime someone does finds me, then they try to pick up
And so I swear I’ll make 'em proud
And then I lose 'em in defense, it ain't like I could even notice
Exhale regret, get depressed, make a song, repeat the process
Guess once I start I gotta finish, I jus can’t abort the project
'Cause I swear it’s like I craft it and get gut punched by my gauntlet
I keep yellin' in abyss, I blame you, you blame the complex
Look, I’m sorry empty sorries do not clear an empty conscience