I Almost Stole Some Weed from Todd Snider (Live)

I almost stole some weed from Todd Snider
Everybody calm down I said almost
Momma raised me right
Didn't raise no criminal
This road gets dark
Makes a man cynical
I almost stole some weed from Todd Snider

It was December 2012 in Santa Cruz
At the Catalyst nightclub
I was in the backstage room
I had done my duty
Done my opening set
Todd was on stage, he was rocking it
I was all alone in the back
I was eating some hummus and some chips
When I saw a great big jar and I looked inside it
It was full to the brim with marijuana
Todd had so much, I had none
I was faced with a moral dilemma

Let me just tell you what an honor it is to open for Todd Snider
In fact, I had done it once before
Yeah but Todd and I didn't really hit it off
And by that, I mean, we barely even talked
I said, "Hey"
He said, "Hey"
I tried to say more but he walked away

Now I know it's all business
And I shouldn't take it personally
But when I found out I was opening for Todd Snider
I must admit
I had constructed a little fantasy

See there's a line from Todd Snider that stretches all the way back to Johnny Cash
Oh one might even say that a torch has been passed
Here's how it went down

Johnny Cash was famous, Kris Kristofferson was not
Kristofferson sang for Johnny then Kristofferson was hot
John Prine was no one, Kristofferson heard him play
Kristofferson gave him his blessing sent John Prine on his way
Todd Snider opened for John Prine a few years ago
He made John Prine laugh, John Prine made him a star
And now I was going to meet Todd Snider

Johnny Cash's initials are JC
Mine are also JC
Pass me the torch, the circle is complete

Oh yeah, but Todd and I didn't really hit it off
In fact, like I mentioned, we barely even talked
So with all of this not meant to be
I figured why not steal a little bit of his weed

I walked toward the jar trembling
Just then, Elvis walked in
Not Elvis Presley; he's dead
But Elvis was the name of Todd Snider's tour manager
I turned around a little bit startled

I said, "Hey"
He said, "Hey"
I said, "Do you want some hummus?"
He said, "No thanks"

He grabbed a few things and he walked out the door
One of the things he grabbed was the weed jar
That's how I almost stole some weed from Todd Snider
I almost stole some weed from Todd Snider
Momma raised me right
Didn't raise no criminal
This road gets dark
Makes a man cynical
And I almost stole some weed from Todd Snider
Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me