Humpty Dumpty

Have you heard of one Humpty Dumpty
How he fell with a roll and a rumble
And curled up like Lord Olofa Crumple
By the butt of the Magazine Wall

[Chorus:] Of the Magazine Wall/Hump, helmet and all?
2. He was one time our King of the Castle
Now he's kicked about like a rotten old parsnip
And from Green Street he'll be sent by order of His
Worship
To the penal jail of Mountjoy

[Chorus:] To the jail of Mountjoy! /Jail him and joy
3. He was fafafather of all schemes for to bother us
Slow coaches and immaculate contraceptives for the
Populace
Mare's milk for the sick, seven dry Sundays a week
Openair love and religion's reform

[Chorus:] And religious reform/Hideous in form
4. Arrah, why, says you, couldn't he manage it?
I'll go bail, me fine dairyman darling
Like the bumping bull of the Cassidys
All your butter is in your horns

[Chorus:] His butter is in his horns./Butter his horns!
(Repeat) Hurrah there, Hosty, frosty Hosty, change that
Shirt on ye
Rhyme the rann, the king of all ranns!

5. We had chaw chaw chops, chairs, chewing gum, the
Chicken pox and china
Chambers
Universally provided by this soffsoaping salesman
Small wonder He'll Cheat E'erawan our local lads
Nicknamed him
When Chimpden first took the floor

[Chorus:] With his bucketshop store/Down Bargainweg
Lower

6. So snug he was in his hotel premises sumptuous
But soon we'll bonfire all his trash, tricks and
Trumpery
And 'tis short till sheriff Clancy'll be winding up his
Unlimited
Company
With the bailiff's bom at the door

[Chorus:] Bimbam at the door/Then he'll bum no more
7. Sweet bad luck on the waves washed to our island
The hooker of the hammerfast viking
And Gall's curse on the day when Eblana bay
Saw his black and tan man-o'-war

[Chorus:] Saw his man-o'-war/On the harbour bar
8. Where from? Roars Poolbeg. Cookingha'pence, he bawls
Donnez-moi
Scampitle, wick an wipin'fampiny
Fingal Mac Oscar Onesine Bargearse Boniface
Thok's min gammelhole Norveegickers moniker
Og as ay are at gammelhore Norveegickers cod

[Chorus:] A Norwegian camel old cod./He is, begod
Lift it, Hosty, lift it, ye devil ye! Up with the rann
The rhyming
Rann!

9. It was during some fresh water garden pumping
Or according to the Nursing Mirror, while admiring the
Monkeys
That our heavyweight heathen Humpharey
Made bold a maid to woo

[Chorus:] Woohoo, what'll she doo! /The general lost her
Maidenloo!

10. He ought to blush for himself, the old hayheaded
Philosopher
For to go and shove himself that way on top of her
Begob, he's the crux of the catalogue
Of our antediluvial zoo

[Chorus:] Messrs. Billing and Coo./Noah's larks, good as
Noo

11. He was joulting by Wellinton's monument
Our rotorious hipppopopotamuns
When some bugger let down the backtrap of the omnibus
And he caught his death of fusiliers

[Chorus:] With his rent in his rears./Give him six
Years

12. 'Tis sore pity for his innocent poor children
But look out for his missus legitimate!
When that frew gets a grip of old Earwicker
Won't there be earwigs on the green?

[Chorus:] Big earwigs on the green, /The largest ever you
Seen

Suffoclose! Shikespower! Suedodanto! Anonymoses!

13. Then we'll have a free trade Gaels' band and mass
Meeting
For to sod the brave son of Scandiknavery
And we'll bury him down in Oxmanstown
Along with the devil and Danes

[Chorus:] With the deaf and dumb Danes, /And all their
Remains

14. And not all the king's men nor his horses
Will resurrect his corpus
For there's no true spell in Connacht or hell