How the Fuck You Get a Deal

[Intro]

[Kool Keith]
A&R? I'm lost and a little wack, just...not like them other guys, just a little wack
I want a real record deal

[Record Executive]
A real record deal? Ok. Ummm, what ya do is
You're gonna get on your ashy ass knees, you're gonna suck some white cock
You're gonna take your left hand and grab my nuts for promotion
Ya gonna take the right one and tickle my anus for distribution
And what you're gonna do, you look like you can't dance a lick
So we're gonna get you two pairs of white converse
And some big fat butt big bitches from down south with big ass lips to dance for you
We're gonna have somebody write your lyrics, cause you're wack as fuck
And then we're gonna make you a fuckin' star guy

Oh shit! Who's those fuckin guys? Who the fuck are those guys? Wh-

[Chorus: 8x]
Your shit is wack! how the fuck you get a deal?

[Kool Keith/Rhythm X]

I'm mad, ok, call me Doctor Giggles
With my Tonka toy trucks, smearin' doo doo in the halls
I'm just a patient, yea, I'm on a second floor
Bellevue Creek on my medical tour
Yo hey Doc, let me shoot my skin with some aqueousy
How come I see red, a fireman after me
Rappers better wait by the am-bu-lance
Call they moms, X to emergency
You got a mouse in your throat, you need an operation
I take a Calico M and point and shoot it out
Make you think you fuckin' with a giraffe
Holdin' a shark face
Now how did that dog taste?
I was the man for years, we eatin' doberman
Jeffery Dahmer callled and said, yo come over man
I rather spread out MCs then eat a wildebeest
Chew off his feet and bomb a Denorex, next
I put his shoes and the wig and then a pickup truck
Kids are cryin', can't find the little dog
Hey Jimmy don't cry yo here's a little candy
Now Hefty garbage bag might could even come in handy
I got some beers and a soda in a pick-up truck
You wanna hitchhike, I don't give a fuck
I ride around in towns like nothin' happen
Fingas snappin', Ol' The Killa' keeps rappin'
I move stop in a store, grab my M&M's
Drink my Yoo-hoos, throw away my Slim Jims
It's the baldhead kid, I own a Volkswagen
The FBI knows he fuckin with my station wagon
I got no time for sleep, I know your address
Yes, what you gonna buy me for my birthday?

[Chorus: 4x]
Your shit is wack! how the fuck you get a deal?

[Godfather Don]
I'm in a world of shit, caught between deals
And foes forever, but executives are like eels
I pack reels and tax skills, mad kills
Call the EMS cause Black Steel is here
In the hour of chaos, some other Mayor
Blow his fuckin' ass away
My hybrid model 29 with the twelve hundred FPS
Mad cutters wear the fuck the nine boots on
With my sticka, I can't forget promotion
Now I cause commotion, like plasma in the ocean
I con-taminate like a virus
I check the iris, fly this try this
You need Midas righteous when you know I'm gonna beat that ass
Like ya local truant officer
I get in that officer, without a condom
I'm condescending, I find a blending of street savvy
And camouflage khaki, don't forget that tech on ya neck
Who keeps hittin', pig kickin', boot lickin'
Always fryin' chicken
Pickin' pickin' kickin' like gettin' gettin' wickin'
New kicks from pickin'
I'm tickin' tockin' like diarrhia droppin'
Gimme a towel and wipe it on the walls, like Keith
With peanuts, vultures are playin' basketball
Stomp em, chomp em with ya dentures
Human the adventures of the nigga' with the snot clocka'
Chop ya like a ninja, when I injure
I'm on the ill shit, like kickin' niggas in the nuts
I'm pourin salt in ya cuts
Ya cuts suck chuck suck ya nuts
So what's up with the fuckin' of ya sista' hit me up
Girl knees chucks like bees
Headin' from the slaughterhouse
I flip like a porter rock
Don't let me hear shit that ya lick
Since I bought a Glock cause now you bought yourself
The odds are in my favor, my rite feels s'ok
Cause devils won't save ya from the man who'd take ya
Produced Anita Baker, I took her home and laid her
I hit her with a plate of this dick, she's rich so I ate her, fuck it
My nose in the bucket so I'll get it
Call me Ice Cream Unit cause my shit is wicked

[Unknown]

Wiggidyjat tat is the sound of my gat
As I clap a mothafucka' tryin' to flip like an acrobat
D-giggidyjade tha record, figgidy fuck tha mic checka'
Skigigidy skids I never sweat it cause it j'ain't no betta'
I used to play that hand way back 'bout a year ago
But ask about me now, "that niggas alone bro"
Tryin' to swing an f-beat, so brothas are you ready
Don lay the track so I rock it rap steady
Kid, your shit is wack, how the fuck you get a deal?
Your shit is wack, how the fuck you get a deal?

[Outro]

[Keith] Hello? Hello record company executive?

[Record Executive] Yes?

[Keith] I realized what real rap was about, and I...want to get a release

[Record Executive] You want a release? Ok kid, tell ya what...
I want you to bend over cause I'm gonna fuck ya
I'm gonna keep on fuckin' ya until you stay on my fuckin' label
I'm gonna get you two orange TECs, a white camouflage suit and some silver boots
I'm gonna shave your head, and send ya out as the crimson dynamo. Ok?
You're gonna be on tour 24/7, 7 days a week, 365 days a year with an occasional day off to come suck this fuckin' dick. You're gonna love it kid, you're gonna be big...