How I Got the Calling

MARY PATRICK:
When I was still a school girl
Standing just about yay high
I saw the face of Jesus
In a coconut cream pie
Next morning, there was Mary
In a bowl of special k
And ten of twelve Apostles
In the salad bar buffet
Now frankly, I'm an eater
And I polished of Saint Peter
When my tummy sorta gave a little lurch
And, I knew
Beyond all question
It was more than indigestion
And that's how I got my calling to the church

MARY PATRICK:
MARY LAZARUS:
My mother kicked the bucket
In the flood of ‘38
A falling Steinway piano
Sent my father to his fate
All twenty of my siblings
Caught the plague, by some odd chance
And something in the meatloaf
Got my uncles and my aunts
The town I lived in bit it
When a freak tornado hit it
And the heartbreak took my dog to his reward
And – I figured on reflection
I could maybe use protection

MARY LAZARUS/NUNS:
And that's how I got my
Calling to the lord!
(how I got my
Calling to the lord)

MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS:
Yes, that was how I got the calling!

MARY LAZARUS:
And it was bracing -

MARY PATRICK:
But enthralling!

MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS:
And I just knew I'd do as I was bid

MARY PATRICK
I'd be overfed -

MARY LAZARUS:
And I'd be obviously dead -

MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS:
So thank the Lord I got the calling when I did!

MARY PATRICK:

MARY LEZIN:
The folks from ‘Jews for Jesus'
Stuck a pamphlet in my purse

MERY CECILIA:
I heard a voice while playing
‘Sargeant Pepper' in reverse

MARY PETROC:
I prayed and then by goll
My psoriasis was healed

MARY ANTIOCH:
People always told me
That I looked like Sally Field

MARY KATARI:
I had a revelation
When I skipped my medication

MARY WILIGIS:
The outfit just did wonders for my frame

ALL NUNS:
And, yes it may be odd
To get a wake-up call from God
But in the end, I got the calling, and I came
(I got the calling and I came)
And that was how I got the calling
(La La La La La La)
And gave my life an overhauling
(La La La La)

MARY ANTIOCH/MARY PETROC:
And it was loud -

MARY MIGUEL:
And firm -

MARY JOSEPHAT:
And oh, so clear!

ALL NUNS:
Yes it's quite a jump

MARY GENISIUS:
But I'd be lost -

MARY EMEBERT:
Afraid -

MARY PETROC:
A frump!

So thank the Lord I got the calling
And I'm here!

MARY PATRICK:

MARY ROBERT:

MARY PATRICK:
MARY ROBERT:
You see... I mean... it's kind of like, I –

MARY PATRICK:
Came here as a tot

MARY ROBERT
What I mean is...

MARY PATRICK:
Left here at the door

MARY ROBERT:
And I don't know if I'm...

MARY PATRICK:
... supposed to be a nun -

MARY ROBERT:
Or -

MARY PATRICK
Not

MARY ROBERT
It's...

MARY PATRICK:
Hard to say, but after all
That's what the call if for

DELORIS:
Me and... Sister... Sledge?
We had a ministry, I guess
Uh, working at Our Lady Of...
Perpetual... Excess...
We'd go among the village... people...
Everyday... well, night
Lifting up the sinful
And helping the uptight
Then suddenly one day
It was like, bang!
And right away I saw the light
And screamed "Sweet Jesus Christ"
And such
And... I asked to be secluded
In this hellhole just like you did
And that's how I got the calling
Pretty much

ALL NUNS:
How she got the calling
Pretty much

And that's is how I got the calling

ALL NUNS:
It was sublime -

DELORIS:
And yet appalling!

ALL NUNS:
And it was oh, so right in all respects!
Aahhhh...

MARY MIGUEL:
Sweet as mountain honey -

MARY ADELARD:
And as wild as summer lightening -

MARY KATERI:
And as warm as woollen mittens -

MARY EMEBERT:
And so fierce that it was frightening -

MARY WILIGIS:
And as bright as new-cut flowers -

MARY LEZIN
And as swift as April showers -

DELORIS:
And orgasmic as a night of sweaty sex!

MARY PATRICK:
If it never came -

MARY LAZARUS:
If all our lives were just the same -

MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS:
Well, heaven knows what might've
Happened to us then...

But we got the calling
Thank the Lord we got the calling
We're so glad you got the calling
Amen!