How Do You Milk a Cow

Parody of "How Do You Like Me Now" by Toby Keith (Toby Keith/Chuck Cannon) Tokeco Tunes/Wacissa River Music (admin. by MRBI) (BMI)

Yeah I was always the lazy one
A Southern Californian
But I've got some kinfolk on the Mason-Dixon line
So this summer just for fun
Hopped in my DeLorean
And headed for my uncle's farm for a short time

I thought that I would be huntin' and fishin'
I misunderstood him somehow
So far there's nothin' but chores here to mention
I didn't mind feedin the sows

But HOW DO YOU MILK A COW?
How do you milk a cow?
I wasn't in FFA
This cow must think i'm crazy
Up under it this way
I'm sittin' here a pullin', but there ain't nothin' comin' out
Oh E I E I O…
How do you milk a cow?

Yeah I love it here in Tennesse
But these farmers all make fun of me
Can't haul much hay in a tiny sports car
So I got myself a 4 wheel drive
Learned to spotlight deer at night
And I've got shearin' sheep right down to an art

One thing's for sure
I hate shovelin' manure
It gets all over my overalls
Them horses need shoein'
I hear Bessie mooin'
So I thought maybe I'd ask you all

HOW DO YOU MILK A COW?
How do you milk a cow?
I think it's safe to say
A man could get arrested for this in LA
This heifer must be empty 'cause she ain't puttin out
Oh E I E I O
Tell me how do you milk a cow

(Spoken)
This song is absolutely an "udder" disaster
I hope I don't get mad cow diease

How do you milk a cow?
I no longer care
I'm gettin sick and tired of smellin' dairy air
I'm headin' back to Cali
And I'm turnin' in my plow
Oh E I E I O
How do you milk a cow?