How Caesar Was Driven From Ireland

[Verse 1]
When Caesar, by conquest elated
On Éireann's green slopes cast an eye
He bid his bould troops be unsated
And strolled forth, to a wake, as a spy
That brawny barbarian, the Briton
In England, he'd beaten anew
So he made some new fetters to fit on
The freemen of Brian Boru

[Verse 2]
Disguised in a pair of oul' breeches
Frieze coat, sturdy boots, and caubeen
He scrambled through hedges and ditches
To where the wake lights could be seen
Arrivin' both fearlеss and hearty
He got therе in the middle of the night
Before me bould men at the party
Were quite drunk enough for a fight

[Verse 3]
King Brian Boru sat and eyed him
So also did huge Finn McCool
While a man, in a cloak, sat beside him
With his crozier propped up by a stool
To Caesar a pipe was extended
By him with the crozier and cloak
But Caesar refused, quite offended
Saying "Cities must blaze 'fore I smoke!"

[Verse 4]
"Is that so?", says the other, quite civil
"You'll need a big pipe for that same"
"If you think so," said Caesar, quite livid
"I'm damned if you'll know then my name"
"Ah, your name and your fame," said the other
"Would both be much safer at home
For the bogs of ould Ireland would smother
A heathen come over from Rome"

[Verse 5]
Well Caesar jumped up in a hurry
He turned for to run to the door
They laughed, for he found, in his flurry
His two feet were stuck to the floor
"What are you? Your glances appall me!"
The other replied with a smile
"'Saint Patrick', me countrymen call me
I'm the guardian of Éireann's green isle"

[Verse 6]
Well Caesar, stood for to linger
But Brian Boru bade him "Go!"
Saint Patrick, he lifted his finger
And Finn McCool lifted his toe
He shot from the spot like a rocket
For Finn McCool kicked with a will
His men on the beach felt the shock, it
Electrified valley and hill

[Verse 7]
Away o'er the billowy Biscay
Sea-sickened, soul-saddened, he sped
Convulsed with a cravin' for whiskey
And a very reduced Roman head