Hosing the Furniture

[Lauren Marcus]
Hello my lucite coffee table
Someone spill a little milk on you?
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk
Not to worry, faucet, uh, uh
Faucet, one more twist
That's better now
Rinse like lukewarm temperature
Here we go. What? On!
Silly little me, me, me, me, me, me, me
I'm singing in the living room

What's the time?
15 minutes
Pour the bleach
Put the finishing touches on the dinner
The dog! The dog! The dog!
Still outside
Silly little, me, me, me, me, me, me, me

My nails, my god, a chip!
Tom likes wonderbread
With turkey
Tom was preoccupied last night
Is it me?
Is it-
Do I have enough milk?

Oh stain, stain
Down the drain
What a shine

I can see myself, in the coffee table
Pretty as I was on my wedding day
I was pretty as a coffee table
We're so pretty

[Krysta Rodriguez]
Mother?

[Lauren Marcus]
Ah!
What?
You scared me!

[Krysta Rodriguez]
Who were you talking to?

[Lauren Marcus]
Who? No one!

[Krysta Rodriguez]
What's all this?

[Lauren Marcus]
Why are you acting so weird?
You know I'm hosing the furniture
And when I hose I sing to myself
Hosing the furniture
Who do you think cleans up, some elf?
No sleeping, no mops
And no time to [?]
When I'm hosing the furniture
I'm free, I'm free

Now run along and play
I'm concentrating
You know how your father likes to come home to that just decorated look

And how are my vinyl drapes today?
(cough) (cough)
Dirt!
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk
Clean in a jiffy now!
Nozzle uh! uh! Nozzle
Finest spray

Now we got it
Cellophane dacron no asbestos
What?
(gasps) Vinyl?

Silly little, me, me, me, me, me, me, me
Raindrops are falling on my couch

What's the time?
30 minutes
Martinis, cut the flowers for the dinner
The dog! The dog! The dog!
Hasn't been fed!
Silly little, me, me, me, me, me, me, me

My hair
My god
A grey hair
Ouch!

Tom likes cocktail
Onions
Tom nodded off again
Last night
Was it me?
Was it-
I get treated like dirt

Oh dirt, dirt
Here's a squirt
What a glow

I can see myself in the drapery
Am I pretty as I was on my wedding day?
Am I pretty as the drapery?
Are we pretty

[Krysta Rodriguez]
Mother?

[Lauren Marcus]
Ah! What? Don't do that!

[Krysta Rodriguez]
Dad just called on the phone

[Lauren Marcus]
Uh huh

[Krysta Rodriguez]
He'll be late - an hour or two

[Lauren Marcus]
Too bad

Don't you care?
Me? Oh no!

I'm hosing the furniture
Do I look mad? My happiness grows
Hosing the furniture
Who needs dad when I've got the hose?

More hours
More showers
Hosey and me!
When I'm hosing the furniture
I'm free, I'm free
I'm free

This house is a reflection of me
Modern, graceful, easy, simple, synthetic
So free
In everything I see, my reflection
Do I really look so simply pathetic?

Silly little-
Silly little- (hiccups)
Silly little-

Mister Television Set
Conquered by crumbs!
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk
No problem
Tangle ugh ugh tangle
Knotted up ugh
There! Ha!
Steaming hot and go!
What? Pull the trigger

Silly little, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me
Soon it's gonna rain
On the bookshelf

What's the time?
120 minutes
Dry turkey
Look relaxed for the dinner
The dog! The dog! The dog!
The dog died last year!
Silly little, me, me, me, me, me, me, me

My blouse
My god
A crumb!
Tom likes strawberry
(chunk it??)
Tom was talking in his sleep
Not to me
Not to (tammy??)

Don't eat a crumb
Oh crumb, crumb
Drown, you scum!
What a life!

I can see myself in the television
I was pretty on my wedding day
I was pretty as a television
We were pretty
What now?

[Krysta Rodriguez]
The drain backed up!

[Lauren Marucus]
Out!

[Krysta Rodriguez]
The kitchen's underwater

[Lauren Marucus]
Out out!

[Krysta Rodriguez]
One more thing!

[Lauren Marucus]
Out!

[Krysta Rodriguez]
You've got crumbs on your back!

[Lauren Marucus]
Ugh!

I'm hosing the furniture
A minor flood never hurt anyone!
Hosing the furniture
Sometimes I wish this hose were a gun!

Just joking
See I'm laughing
Silly little me

When I'm hosing the furniture
When I'm hosing the furniture
When I'm hosing the furniture
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free!