Homelander vs Zoolander

[Intro: News Reporter A (Rabi) & News Reporter B (Fightmarker)]
America's darling, Homelander, is about to make a public statement after the recent accusations leveled against him by shockingly sexy male supermodel, Derek Zoolander
Claiming that the Vought-funded hero's allegedly ugly, and is quote-unquote, "Very ugly"
Mhm, you know, I wouldn't take that, me personally, but–
Also, the Deep blew A-Train
I guess
What a slow news day

[Verse 1: Homelander (Cam Steady)]
Ha-ha-ha-ha
Before I show a walking mannequin the male they all model
I'll give him one remaining chance to bring out Hansel and Grovel (Yeah)
I'm surprised they found a brain they can wash in you, you're so docile
That you make the Deep's thoughts sound like fuckin' Aristotle's
Who fails to kill a literal sitting president? Let me aid ya
I'll blaze his entire nation, I'm firin' Malaysia
Crushed to hear your wife got paved into a crater
When my Vought Tower came down on her, afraid I couldn't save her
America's best weapon's red-white-blue in a tight suit
I'm headin' the Seven, remind you of your IQ?
Defect again and I'll find you with bird's eye view
Char you to a lump of coal so dad will finally like you

[Verse 2: Zoolander (LittleFlecks)]
Ew, fly back to your lab, stay there
Invent a compound that patches gray hair
The grossest thing in your show's your lack of face care
Impenetrable skin? You've been cooked since daycare
I was born super good-looking, you got a serum
And you're still a disappointment, Soldier Boy, tell 'em
I'll ruin your supe-premacy views in two seconds
If everyone's an uber-loser like you, then it's ew-genics
He can't be a fascist, his fit is far from drippy
That tacky fabric's giving Nazi Party City (What?)
You're so bland and sickly to even Dere-lick me
You must've lost your mind with no Vicky
Your kind got poached like dodos, had nowhere to go but solo
Now your son prefers the hobo, so you've totally got FOMO
Don't you know you go so loco for bad promo?
Let your public image own you like your soul's trapped in a photo

[Interlude]
Homelander, Homelander, one more, over here
How do you feel about the rumors that your powers have been completely deposited by the–?
How do you feel about the rumors that your powers have been completely deposited by the–?

[Verse 3: Homelander (Cam Steady)]
Relax
He's braindead and wife's dead, so both heads get zero action
There's too much hair gel in his ear canal to hear you rappin'
Anything coherent passes through him faster than some weirdo's package into the nearest asshole at Herogasm
Like Black Noir, I'll make you hide that face
You'll never land another runway like a hijacked plane
Want an award for that Magnum? Your daddy wished he'd used one
He celebrated way too early with his first two sons
Humans are fragile, I make them snap like your pants
I look down at them like, "What is this? A planet for ants?"
But me? I make a bullet stop in its tracks with ease
You flop as soon as you're shot by a magazine
Trust me, all I need is one look
Meanwhile, all you've got is one look
I will let you join your pals, so thank me
Now let's light this candle, shall we?

[Guitar Solo]

[Verse 4: Zoolander (LittleFlecks)]
Sorry
I have an after-city-wreckage party to be tending to
You weren't invited, John, no one's really friends with you
No hypnosis needed, you're a pampered lab-grown lackey
Even that Storm-affront on fashion made you come in handy
Say I'm brainwashed again? What's included in your super duties?
Only suited to act in some booty Tropic Thunder movies
Vought milked you so bad that the thought has got you droolin'
I'm not your brah (Brah), but you can suck me like some boobies
Rooted for by teens who think they're being understood
Oh, you're the center for kids who can't read media good
I'll gather all of the Boys, they can witness you squeal
What's a blue Man of Steel to Zoolander's blue steel?

[Instrumental Outro]