Historically Accurate Disney Princess Song (When Will I Find My Prince?)

[Intro: Spoken]
Oh birds

[Verse 1]
At sunset I wander through the village
Glowing in the twilight and so quiet
Well, it's quiet 'cause most people died of a plague
Caused by jealous witches
I wander through the village and I think
That my life is missing something dear
As I stop to rest and cough up blood, I wonder:
When will I find my prince?

[Verse 2]
I wander through the village and I notice
That everyone but me has found a love
There goes the blacksmith with his daughter-wife
Ten years old and pregnant with her brother-son
I wander through the village sighing deeply
Seeking guidance from the statue in the square
It's a statue of Christ adorned with thief hands
Oh, when will I find my prince?

[Spoken Interlude]
"Oh look, everyone, it's my friends from the forest, the Jews. Hello, Jews! You know, I never did ask you: why do you live in the forest? Oh, I see, to hide from people trying to kill you. Well that's very resourceful, my beaky little friends. Tell me: have you ever had a dream that wouldn't come true? Oh, I see, your dream is that people won't want to kill you. Well, that's definitely a dream that won't come true! Oh, goodbye, goodbye! Jews..."

[Verse 3]
Oh, if I found my prince
We'd have a wedding elegant and rare
We'd dine on kidney cream and horse vagina
Drink champagne and torture a bear
Oh, if I found my prince
The castle would be filled with love and laughter
And he'd fill me with his seed, forcibly and rough
I'd give birth to a son and then die right after!

[Verse 4]
I wander through the village seeking answers
But love hasn't given me a glimpse!
It isn't in this shop or in this cart of baby corpses
Oh, when will I find my prince?
When, hand Jesus?
Oh, when will I find my prince?