Hell In The Hallway

[Intro]
*Sigh*
Tsk...
Little nervous about this one, bro
It's like once it's out there
It's out there and you can't take it back
And it just makes it more real
Maybe I don't want it to be real
Here goes nothing...
Yeah!

[Verse 1]
Pen and pad in front of me, I don't know where to start
What is the type of beat to vent on and share your heart?
Usually, I write so you can receive
But, this time, this song'll be most therapeutic for me
Check it, six years ago, I say goodbye to New Jersey
And move to Florida, to marry my bride in a hurry
Though it was a sacrifice for me, 'cause I was deserting
My fam, I did it for the type of love that I had been yearning
Fast forward to present time, now, I'm in my 30's
Reading over divorce papers to sign, and it's hurting
Come up with a plan to acquire the earnings
I need to file, I might even have to hire attorneys, dag!
I thought she was my ride or die on this journey
But, I was wrong, 'cause she looked me in the eye, and she sternly
Told me she wants a divorce, it felt like a knife was inserting
Into my heart, I was tossed aside like I wasn't worthy
And my mind we was working, I was providing and serving
My love for her was like an all-consuming fire that's burning
I guess my efforts fell short, 'cause the tide had been turning
And now, I wrestle self-doubt, thinking I'm undeserving of love
That's embarrassing to admit
Maybe I'm being too transparent with you on this
She's gone, but, it's like she hasn't loosened her grip
It's time for me to get this tat removed from my wrist
And erase her name, 'cause even as I write this rhyme
I'm reminded of her every time I look down, it plagues the brain
Then the mind plays a game of only replaying
Good memories, not prepared to keep me in this state of pain
My fans have fight for us to sing along
But, more than that, I had hope the message would bring her home
But, the fight's over, 'cause I was swinging at air
See, it takes two to box, and shorty left me in this ring alone
And I've been playin' pretend with my friends
And family to ask "Hey, how you've been?"
I give 'em that "Aye-okay" cliche, but, within
I'm battling depression and the temptation to sin
My flesh is screaming, "Let the self-medication begin"
This feast on the plate of lust, and then chase it with gin
But, I can't, because I know what awaits in the end
An addiction that'd keep me trapped in this state that I'm in, so, I fight!
My knees are calloused from my time in prayer
I'm asking God to deliver me from my despair
It's more that I can bear, "God, I need answers"
Then I hear Him tell me, "Open up your Bible, and you'll find it there"
Huh, yeah, then, I find clarity
In 1 Peter 5:7, it is in there I read
I can cast my anxieties on Him, 'cause e cares for me
If ever there's a need, my Father said he'll be there indeed
And, man, I need him now more than ever
I'm feeling down, and my heart is severed
But, as I continue to read, all I can do is believe
That He's just and He gon' work all of this out for my better
I heard my dog say
That when one door closes, another will open but its hell in the hallway
And it's still a long way
Until I reach that open door, but, while I'm in this hell, I'll be giving my God praise

[Outro]
So, my man [?] hits me
Gives me a call, and asks me, "Yo, Tommy..."
"...How you doing, bro? How you holding up?"
Tsk... I tell him, "Man..."
"Can't ever lie, it's been hard..."
"...Clinging to Jesus like never before..."
"...Jesus is all I got!" And he says, "Well, that's good..."
"...'Cause Jesus is all you'll ever need"
Facts, amen!
It may be hell in this hallway
But, I see light at the end
And, I'm making my way towards it
I can do all things
In His strength... yeah!
Uh!
Hell In The Hallway