Heaven

[Verse 1]
Heaven don't want me
Praying, "God, please kill me"
Why my past so haunting
Though I feel so guilty
Oh, this pain's so filthy
Hope it rains down whiskey
I don't want no problems
I just want more whitney
Walk through walls so thoughtless
I might risk my vision
Heard that Paul chose God
And he might Act so Christian
Throw my soul in prison
I can't hold my sight
Turn them rags to riches
Turn the wrongs to rights
Let the secrets confide
Inside a sinner's most recent
Down to Egypt we ride
Son of Adam, seek treatment
Up & at 'em, malfeasance
Question the morals of Jesus
I won't fathom, albeit
I understand what I'm seeing
It's called arrested development
Still a childish petulant
Say I'm not so intelligent
My diploma was Heaven sent
But test me just for the hell of it
Well aware of the negligence
I know life is a circus
I call that water for elephants
Some of y'all are still racist
And it shows when you speak
We should all just trade places
For a couple of weeks
No my faith is so faceless
Pour a couple of drinks
And we're a little famous
To the people beneath
Got a place I like to visit
No one ever could find
Where interaction's illicit
And we exist out of time
No satisfaction is given
I won't accept any bribes
No Johnny Cash on my rhythm
But still I'm walking the line
I'm walking down to Abbey Road
I hope I learn I'm a star
I gave Yahweh my record
I'm drinking Guinness at bars
I want the world to come together
Better best to Let It Be
Nothing special in the end
It's just a Yellow Submarine
Got laid before I'm ready
I was barely a man
No, that pain is still heavy
No matter who lends a hand
Get paid to be available
Sane and highly favorable
I'll say her name was (shhh)
I guess she's still in high demand

[Verse 2]
It's the home I was raised in
Found truth in my parents
Replaced the Bible with statements
That keep my spirit generic
Let's take it back up to Genesis
Tri-To-Base it with pyramids
Oh my life is a primitive
Photograph by getty images
I'm unsolicited
Barely listening
Apostle, ensemble
Collossus is undisciplined
Thomas doesn't believe
But really neither do we
The gospel is underneath
All the love that's prohibited
Mental health does not exist
We call it information
Oh I set myself adrift
And wait for more impatients
So if you're no longer convinced
Just do your own equation
Everything ain't what you wish
Because your skin's caucasian
I've been at the alter
There's no time for my confession
Tell me why I even bother
Tryna find my way to Heaven
Number 3 is my perception
Still I'm searching for some time
Just another painful session
I still got you on my mind
I live my life without permission
Waste more time than I can count
The highest state that I can get to
Puts me in the lowest crowd
So who are you to tell me
I'm not good enough to try
I'm not good enough to do this
Til I'm putting up a fight
Really wish I could rewind
There's just way too many problems
I've been dealing with depression
Walk through walls a little thoughtless
Even though I feel guilty
My past is still haunting
God, please kill me
I know Heaven doesn't want me

[Outro]
I mean, I've struggled with my faith for... for a long time. I grew up in the church and ya know, stepping into adulthood, trying to figure everything out for myself, and some things just haven't quite made sense to me. There's this longing in me for there to be something more, but there's still that double that God is who He says He is