He Never Came Back

I went into a restaurant as hungry as a bear
And like a raving maniac I grabbed the bill of fare
The waiter said "what will you have?" "Give me a steak," I say
He took my order, bowed his head, and slowly walked away

And he never came back
He never came back
Though I waited an hour or more
Oh, his face I will break
If he don't bring that steak
When we meet on that beautiful shore

A jay who lived down on the farm come into see the town
Registered at Smith's hotel as Mr Hayseed Brown
A jay he was, so y'all admit, with whiskers green as grass
Pulled off his shoes, jumped into bed, and then blew out the gas

And he never came back
He never came back
And as they broke down the door
Oh, the last words he said
Just before he dropped dead
Were "we'll meet on that beautiful shore"

I went into a circus show, I took my mother-in-law
She laughed at everything she saw 'till she nearly broke her jaw
Nearby I saw a big balloon which proved to be my friend
I threw her in, I cut the rope, and up she did ascend

And she never came back
She never came back
Though we waited for six days or more
Oh, there's one thing I know
I will go down below
If we meet on that beautiful shore