Have One on Me

[Verse 1]
From the courtyard, I floated in and watched it go down
Heard the cup drop, thought, "Well, that's why they keep them around"
The blackguard sat hard down with no head on him now
And I felt so bad, 'cause I didn't know how
To feel bad enough to make him proud

[Verse 2]
By the time you read this, I will be so far away
Daddy Longlegs, how in the world am I to be expected to stay?
In the night, in the night, you may hear me call
Pa, stay your hand and steel your resolve
Stay where you are, so long and tall

[Verse 3]
Here's Lola — ta da! — to do her famous Spider Dance for you
Lighten up your pockets
Shake her skirts and scatter there
A shrieking, six-legged millionaire with a blight in his sockets

[Verse 4]
Miss Montez, the Countess of Lansfeld
Appealed to the King of Bavaria
Saying, "Pretty papa, if you are my friend
Mister Daddy Longlegs, they are at it again
Can I see you?"

[Verse 5]
Poor Lola, a tarantula's mounting Countess Lansfeld's handsome brassiere
While they all cheer
And the old king fell from grace while Lola fled
To save face and her career

[Verse 6]
You caught a fly floating by
Wait for him to drown in the dust, drown in the dust of other flies
Whereby the machine is run and the deed is done
Heaven has no word for the way you and your friends have treated poor Louis

[Bridge]
May god save your poor soul, Lola
But there is nothing I adore, apart
From that whore's black heart

[Verse 7]
"Well, doesn't that just beat all!"
Miss Gilbert called to Castlemaine by the silver dollar
And the gold glitter
Well, I've seen lots, but never in a million years
Would think to see you here

[Verse 8]
Though the long road begins and ends with you
I cannot seem to make amends with you, Louis
When we go out
They're bound to see you with me

[Verse 9]
At night, I walk in the park with a whip
Between the lines of the whispering Jesuits
Who are poisoning you against me
There's a big black spider hanging over my door
Can't go anywhere anymore
Tell me, are you with me?

[Verse 10]
I called to you several times
While the change took place and then arrived all night
And I died
But all these songs, when you and I are long gone
Will carry on, mud in your eye

[Verse 11]
You asked my hand, hired a band
"In your heart is all that you need
Ask and you will receive," it is said
I threw my bouquet and I knocked 'em dead
Bottle of white, bottle of red
Helpless as a child when you held me in your arms
And I knew that no other could ever love me as you loved
Love me as you loved, but help me, I'm leaving

[Verse 12]
I remember everything
Down to the sound of you shaving, the scrape of your razor
The dully-abrading black hair that remained
When you clutched at me

[Verse 13]
That night I came upstairs, half-dead
And in your kindness, you put me straightaway
In the cupboard with a bottle of champagne
And then, later, on a train, it was dark out, I was half-dead
I saw a star fall into the sky like a chunk of thrown coal
As if god himself spat like a cornered rat
I really want you to do this for me, will you have one on me?

[Verse 14]
It was dark, I was drunk and half-dead
And we slept, knocking heads
Sitting up in the star-smoking air
Knocking heads like buoys
Don't you worry for me, will you have one on me!

[Verse 15]
Meanwhile, I will raise my own glass
To how you made me fast and expendable
And I will drink to your excellent health
And your cruelty, will you have one on me?

[Refrain]
Helpless as a child when you held me in your arms
And I knew that no other could ever love me

[Bridge]
Ooh-ooh, ooh-oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oh-ooh-ooh

[Verse 1]
From the courtyard, I floated in and watched it go down
Heard the cup drop, thought, "Well, that's why they keep them around"
The blackguard sat hard down with no head on him now
And I felt so bad, 'cause I didn't know how
To feel bad enough to make him proud

[Outro]
Well daddy longlegs, are you?
Daddy longlegs, are you?
Daddy longlegs, are you proud?