Hard-Loving Loser

He's the kind of guy puts on a motorcycle jacket
And he weigh about a hundred and five
He's the kind of surfer got a ho-daddy haircut
And you wonder how he'll ever survive

He's the kind of frogman wearin' twenty pounds of counterweights
And sinkin' in the sea like a stone
He's the kind of soldier got no sense of direction
And they send him in the jungle alone

But when the frost's on the pumpkin and the litle girls are jumpin'
He's a hard lovin' son of a gun
He's got them waitin' down the stairs just to sample his affairs
And they call him a spoonful of fun

He's the kind of person goin' ridin' on a skateboard
And his mind's ragin' out of control
He's the kind of person goes to drive a Maserati
Puts his key inside the wrong little hole

He's the kind of ski bum tearin' wild down the mountain
Hits a patch where there ain't any snow
He's the kind of cowboy got a hot trigger finger
Shoots his boot 'cause he's drawin' kind of slow

But when it comes in for rollin', he's an expert at bowlin'
Sets the pins up and lays 'em right down
He's got them takin' off their heels and they like the way he feels
And they call him a carnival clown

He's got a parachute and screamin' out, "Geronimo"
And makes a little hole in the ground
He's the kind of logger when the man hollers, "Timber"
Got to stop and look around for the sound

He's the kind of artist rents a groovy little attic
And discovers that he can't grow a beard
He's the human cannon ball come in for a landin'
And he wonders where the net disappeared

But when he takes off his shoes, man, it won't come as news
He's got them linin' up in threes and in twos
He's got them paintin' on the floor, got them beggin' for some more
And they call him whatever they choose