Half Ok, Half Not

[Verse 1]
Everytime I try to rap, it comes out damaged
Dear Lord, I got questions and I need answers
Trying to understand your vision on my life but all I’m seeing is damage
Maybe I can pick up a pen and rap about all the pain in my life
I’m half OK, but I'm also half not
I can’t talk about anything or it will be causing some pain
I can't write about the time that my mother had a baby
Coming, and then it died
I lost a little brother

Well, now I've got a little mother who thinks it's her fault
It's never your fault, even if you're in a cult
You may be doing your life away, but you're doing it for a reason
No, it's never just for a reason
It's just for a treason
This season, we have lost so much people to death
I can't think of all the bad things in my mind
I'm an arsehole for not going to your funeral
Maybe now, I'll just have to tie a rope around my neck and jump it 'til it pulls me to death

[Chorus]
I'm half OK, but I'm also half not
I got these scars and pain
My life has gone down the drain
I'm half OK, but I'm also half not
It’s a cunt of a life
I'm half OK, but I'm also half not
I got these scars and pain
My life has gone down the drain
I'm half OK, but I'm also half not
It’s a cunt of a life
(Maybe I'll find a way to avoid all the pain)

[Verse 2]
I've lost a little brother
But I also gained another
Just for him to die before I got to meet 'im
I'm always rappin' 'bout the shit that doesn't affect me
And I'll take a seat, let me tell you the story of how my rapping came to be
I was bullied, belted, tormented
And picked on at school
Until I turned to rap just to feel safe
And now, I don't care if I can never find a date
Because rap is enough for me
I'll show you why I am LSP1
It's because I'm not OK, and in the end, it doesn't even matter
Those were the words of Chester Bennington years before his death
I looked him in the eyes, and now, I can't take anything back

[Chorus]
I'm half OK, but I'm also half not
I got these scars and pain
My life has gone down the drain
I'm half OK, but I'm also half not
It’s a cunt of a life

[Verse 3]
I watched all my idols die right in front of my eyes
It's surprising I'm not gonna be next to die
I can't get anything right
No wonder why people call me a mumble rapper
No wonder why people call me a fuckin' clapper
I don't think you know what the shit I go through
Behind the scenes, my dad and Step Brother would fuckin' torment me
Poke fun at me, just because I wanted to rap
I just wanna put my town on the map

Sit my future kids and my wife on my laps
But now, I can't do that ever again, now, thanks to you guys
And it's always gonna be your fault
Maybe I can find a way to avoid all the pain

[Chorus]
I'm half OK, but I'm also half not
I got these scars and pain
My life has gone down the drain
I'm half OK, but I'm also half not
It’s a cunt of a life

[Verse 4]
I’m Living in an episode of my life that I'm forgetting to close
I just wanna be able to rest without people judging me for being a
13-year-old rapper who wants to rap
I don't wanna have to diss a clapper
But I had to end you like a Turkish person ends Turkish delight
My brother is like an executioner
That's not a diss, I just wanted to miss and now
How about I kiss this rap scene goodnight?

And now it goes without saying, this is my last recording
'Cause if you're hearing this now, it means I must've done it
First off, I really need to tell you just how much I'm sorry
I know the news of my death is gruesome and hard to stomach
I'm sorry too, for those who end up in the bathroom
Scrubbin' up the mess, I guess I was clumsy
The shit was far too bloody
Plus, the blade, it was blunt and it couldn't cut in properly
I was such in a hurry, as close, I can't out run it

I'm not gonna be able to help you when you need me
I just wanna be able to live life
Without being hated all the time, I just wanna love life
And now I'm gonna charge at the world to save myself
And if I can't, then I'm not OK

[Chorus]
I'm half OK, but I'm also half not
I got these scars and pain
My life has gone down the drain
I'm half OK, but I'm also half not
(It’s a cunt of a life)

[Verse 5]
I'm never gonna be able to let go of anything
Ever since I was a kid I’ve felt felt this way
The black sheep, I can never rid myself of any hate
Some say It’s a mental disease
Well, I just pray that I can make it to the end of the week
It's like I only find happiness when dead or asleep
Maybe in time, it'll get better for me
But it forever repeats
It's like I'm on a search to find my inner peace
And the fact, I know it's never there, it's killin' me

And now, I know I'm gonna have to fight to survive
But I'm not ever gonna believe you
I may be half OK, half not, but I'm 100% there for you