Grow A Pair

[Intro]
Oh, my God, I gotta take a piss
(*panting*)
Ahhhhhhhhh....shit
(*sigh of relief*)
Aye, aye, man, aye
Hey, can you do me a favor real quick?
Just real quick
Just do me a favor, and uhhh....

[Verse 1]
Run your eyes along the guys in the stalls
Try to find a pair of balls as big as mine in their drawers
Yeah, it may appear queer to stare at a man's spheres
A friendly peer at your peers is all that I ask here
Don't analyze the wrinkles or gaze at the man's stink hole
Just get the basic size and let the man tinkle
If you're staring at his dick, then that's when you're a faggot
Not a fast little glance for who has the most baggage
Jesus fucking Christ, I sound like a fucking faggot
I was trying to be nice and help you understand it
Now I sound like a flamer, but here's a disclaimer:
I'm straighter than the facts I wrote on this paper
Savor the food for thought I speak, or you could save it for later
Let's start this shit out my peak, when I was 'round the age of 8 or so
I used to beat on my salami
Slap my sister's dollies, saying, "Where's my fucking money!?"
Call every girl a bitch 'cause that's what daddy called my mommy
Go up to all my homies like, "YO DOGGY DOGGY!"
Just kidding, I don't have any friends
I purposely would cuss to make a certain lady want me
But wouldn't want my teacher or my mommy to hear me, so I would say 'em softly

[Interlude]
Aye, aye, bro, she just walked in
(What? What? Who?)
Yeah, yeah, that girl I was just talking to you about!
(Who? What the fuck?)
You know, the- The one with the big ass!
(Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!)
I'mma try to impress her real quick. Watch this
(Alright?)
Damn, mami! You looking sexy!
*Cute Girl gasps* + (*Friend gasps*)
Teacher! (Um, um, um, um, um, ummmmmmmmm...)
Yeah! Yeah, him! He said it! He said a bad word to me!

[Verse 2]
What the fuck?!
Why the fuck you snitching, bitch?!
I was trying to impress you, and this the shit I get?!
You just lost all your chances with this half-an-inch dick
Yeah, I know it's fucking big, you ain't gotta tell me shit
I already know it
Everybody wants to blow me, you can ask my buddy, Coleman...
Wait, that was actually kinda gay...
But let's let it go like Frozen
But, for the record, never seen it, and I've never owned it
I never sang along to, "Do you want to build a snowman?"
Never heard that song, but please don't ask me how I know it
Bitch, I'm not lying! I'm a motherfucking grown man!
I will admit, I'll sit at home alone and watch a romance movie
'Cause, aside from feeling boobies, I just wanna hold hands
Fuck your nae-nae and your whip and shit, I wanna slow dance
Can we watch Netflix without you trying to- No! Agh!
Put you bra back on! I'm trying to watch the show, man!
Gimme back my fucking cock! No condom, no chance!

[Outro: Roger "conscience" Ramos]
Aghh, gosh!
You women are all the same!
I'mma take my gargantuan penis and fucking leave!
Fucking bitch!
Gah!
Come on, boys, let's go watch some football!
We'll go watch them make a, uh, a hole-in-one!