Goldilocks and The Bears Trio as Told by Sue Ellen

[Arthur]
What are you gonna sing, Sue Ellen?

[Sue Ellen]
I can't sing

[Francine]
Hey, we finally found something Sue Ellen can't do!

[Sue Ellen]
But I've written a play in stereo (echoes). Here are your parts, I'm the narrator. Ahem. Once upon a time, there were three bears: Daddy Bear

[Arthur]
That's me. Hi!

[Sue Ellen]
Big Mama Bear

[Francine]
I love being married to Daddy Bear!

[Arthur]
Hey, that's not in the script. Aw, Francine!

[Francine]
Eugh!

[Sue Ellen]
And precious, adorable little Baby Bear

[Binky]
What?! Why am I a baby?! I'm bigger than my parents here!

[Sue Ellen]
Binky! Nobody can see you. It's just sound

[Binky]
I don't feel like a baby. Can't I be their (puts on a Southern accent) cousin from down south who's a professional race car driver?

[Sue Ellen]
No! The Bears were musicians. Daddy played his harpsichord, (flat harpsichord playing) but it was too flat. Momma played her viola, (sharp viola playing) but it was too sharp. Baby Bear played the cello, and it was just right

[Binky]
This thing's kinda big for a baby to play

[Sue Ellen]
Just play, Baby!

[Binky]
Okay, honey! (pleasant cello playing, which continues for a brief while as Sue Ellen narrates)

[Sue Ellen]
Mama and Daddy Bear decided to take a walk. While they were gone, a very beautiful little girl named Goldilocks came to their house and said....

[Buster]
My, what a very pretty house

(loud giggling from everyone but Sue Ellen and Buster)

[Sue Ellen]
Buster?! What are you doing?! D.W. was supposed to be Goldilocks

[Buster]
Well, she said the part wasn't big enough for her talent and left

[Sue Ellen]
So sweet and pretty Goldilocks fluffed up her beautiful, pink flowery dress...

(laughter from the peanut gallery again)

[Buster]
This is embarrassing, skip ahead!

[Sue Ellen]
Suddenly there was knock on the door. It was the big, bad wolf! (sound of loud knocking)

[Buster]
(with German accent) Hello. I am Wolfgang!

Sue Ellen
(moans)

[Francine]
Hold it! You're Goldilocks!

[Buster]
Yeah, but I was the wolf first. Does this mean I have to chase myself?

[Sue Ellen]
Let's just jump to the end. The Bears come home and find Goldie and the wolf in their house. The Bears are not happy about this

[Baby Bear]
Mama, Daddy, stand back! Let Baby Bear take care of this!

[Sue Ellen]
Stick to the script, Baby!

[Binky]
Okay, sugar!

[Sue Ellen]
Then Goldilocks said...

[Buster]
Wolfgang and I tuned your instruments, didn't we? (as Wolfgang) Ja, we did!

[Sue Ellen]
So the Bears played and their instruments sounded just right. (all play well)

[Buster]
(as Goldilocks) Hey, can we play too? (as Wolfgang) Ja! I brought mein tuba! (begins playing tuba)

[Sue Ellen]
Then the Bears chased Goldilocks and the wolf out of the house! (sounds of the Bears growling)

[Buster]
(as Goldilocks) Ahhh! (as Wolfgang) Ooh! (as Goldilocks) Ahhh! (as Wolfgang) Ooh!

[Binky]
Finally some action!

[Sue Ellen]
(beautiful music playing resumes) They locked the door and the Three Bears played happily. The moral of the story is, "It's fun to take a walk in the woods, but you should never try to play with the bears."