Girls! Girls! Girls!

[HOST]
Step right up
We bring to you the finest entertainment
And I am pleased to be your humble servant
Accept our hospitality
Indulge in abnormality
Step right up
We've something here for everyone's enjoyment
I do this as a gift, not for employment
A portrait of insanity
Approach with your humanity…

Come see our girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal!
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after four o'clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the girls, girls, girls!

Some of them are really quite attractive, as you'll see
And some are truly hideous, I'm sure that you'll agree
While others still look rather quite a lot like you and me
But you mustn't let them fool you
Just one more rule
You shouldn't look this one too long in the eye
And that one, let's just keep walking by
These ain't no ordinary girls, and we've a steady supply
So grab another cup of tea, and follow me

To see the girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal!
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after four o'clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the girls, girls, girls!

Now, has anybody any clever questions for your guide?
For a penny more, go on and ask
We have nothing here to hide

[The crowd shouts.]

[HOST, spoken]
Quiet down! You, sir

[GENTLEMAN 1]
If insanity's primarily a feminine-ish malady
And no one's doubting that, for it's a scientific fact
Then, according to the medics, have they faultier genetics?
Are they born with this disease, or is it something they contract?

[HOST]
It's all to do with reproductive organs
Which are naturally unstable in a dame
You see, from lunar, we have lunacy and lunatic and loony
And they're always ovulating by the cycle of the moony!

[GENTLEMAN 2, spoken]
I have a question

[HOST, spoken]
Shoot!

[GENTLEMAN 2]
Has any patient ever been released?
Would you send her home if her bizarre behavior were decreased?

[HOST]
For the good of our society, they oughtn't reproduce
So while they may pretend propriety, we'll never let them loose!

[INMATES]
Come see the girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
They're hot, they're nuts, they're suicidal!
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after four o'clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time
Come see the girls, girls, girls!

[HOST, spoken]
Some are born mad, some achieve madness, and some have madness thrust upon them!
This is the real thing, my friends: guaranteed, one-hundred percent, authentic, mentally-ill!
Accept no imitations. For a little extra on the side, we can arrange for a slightly more intimate encounter, wink wink…
For a tuppence, just a tuppence, a handful of pills to feed the inmates!
We've got pills for depression, obsession, aggression, possession, indiscretion–there's a bloody pill for everything nowadays!

[GENTLEMAN 3]
How big is a lady's brain?

[HOST]
It's really very, very small
A simple thought is quite a strain

[WOMAN]
This seems just a bit inhumane

[HOST]
That's just a simple little shock
It doesn't cause her any pain
You see, they're really more like animals than people
Which has been proven haven't any souls at all
The only bits that aren't inferior are bosom and posterior
And these are only useful in a seedy music hall

They won't bite
Well, they might
I say, this one does look hungry tonight
So get your picture with an inmate
But be sure she's locked up tight
They're practically wild, sir
Protect your child, sir

They don't recall the taste of freedom
They're just happy if we feed them
So point and laugh, it isn't bad
They oughtn't mind because they're mad
If you haven't got a dime, toss us your pearls

[HOST & INMATES]
You're welcome to enjoy our girls, crazy girls
If you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride
Those girls, crazy girls
We're hot! (They're hot!), we're nuts! (They're nuts!), we're suicidal!
Tickets cheap, it's a crime
And they're half price after four o'clock, so toss us a dime
To see these lovely freaks of nature for a limited time

[HOST]
I've got a lot more words to say
But I just can't make them rhyme
So ladies, let this be a lesson to you:
Keep your hair uncut
Your corsets tight, your morals high
Your knitting neat, your yappers shut

This is what comes of over-educating
Mentally over-stimulating
Too much serious conversating
Organized religion-hating
Sinful, unwed copulating
Marriage without pro-creating
Girl-on-girl caught lesbiating
She was caught while masturbating
Male mind-manipulating
Chronically hallucinating
Certainly, there's no debating
Some we just find fascinating
Women's rights-facilitating
Independent thought-creating
She just may be complicating
Get your money out! We're waiting
To see those
Girls!
Girls!
Girls!