Gee, Officer Krupke

[MOUTHPIECE, spoken]
Oh, lookit yiz, ya feckless friggin’ disappointments.
Now gimme one good reason I shouldn’t throw the book at'cha.

[DIESEL]
Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke
You gotta understand
It's just our bringin' upke
That gets us outta hand

[BIG DEAL]
Our mothers all are junkies

[A-RAB]
Our fathers all are drunks

[DIESEL]
Golly Moses
Naturally we're punks

Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset
We never had the love that every child oughta get
We ain't no delinquents, we're misunderstood
Deep down insidе us, there is good

[A-RAB]
Therе is good

[DIESEL/A-RAB/BIG DEAL/SNOWBOY]
There is good, there is good
There is untapped good
Like inside, the worst of us is good

[MOUTHPIECE, spoken]
Aw, that's a touchin' good story.

[DIESEL, spoken]
Let me tell it to the world!

[MOUTHPIECE, spoken]
Just tell it to the judge!

[DIESEL]
Dear kindly Judge, your honor
My parents treat me rough
With all their marijuana
They won't give me a puff
They didn't wanna have me
But somehow I was had
Leapin' lizards!
That's why I'm so bad!

[BALKAN]
Right!
Officer Krupke, you're really a square
This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed
He's psychologically disturbed

[DIESEL]
I'm disturbed!

[DIESEL/MOUTHPIECE/A-RAB/SNOWBOY/BIG DEAL]
We're disturbed, we're disturbed
We're the most disturbed
Like we're psychologically disturbed

[BALKAN, spoken]
Hear ye hear ye!
In the opinion of this court, the boy’s depraved on account of he ain’t had a normal home.

[DIESEL, spoken]
Hey, I’m depraved on account of I’m deprived!

[BALKAN, spoken]
So take this nut to a headshrinker.

[MOUTHPIECE, spoken]
Ooh, why not?

[DIESEL]
My father is a bastard
My ma's an S.O.B
My grandpa's always plastered
My grandma pushes tea
My sister wears a mustache
My brother wears a dress
Goodness gracious!
That's why I'm a mess!

[A-RAB]
Yes!
Officer Krupke, you're really a slob
This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job
Society's played him a terrible trick
And sociologically he's sick

[DIESEL]
I am sick!

[JETS]
We are sick, we are sick
We are sick, sick, sick
Like we're sociologically sick!

[A-RAB, spoken]
In my professional opinion, what we got here is a run-of-the-mill juvenile delinquent.
And juvenile delinquency is a social disease.

[BALKAN, spoken]
Ew, Diesel, you got a social disease?

[A-RAB, spoken]
Bring him to a social worker.

[MOUTHPIECE, spoken]
Wait, can I catch it by touchin' him?

[DIESEL]
Dear—

[BABY JOHN]
Kindly social worker
They say go earn a buck
Like be a soda jerker
Which means like be a schmuck!
It's not I'm antisocial
I'm only anti-work

[DIESEL & SNOWBOY]
Gloryosky!

[JETS]
That's why I'm a jerk!

[BIG DEAL]
Officer Krupke, you've done it again
This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen
It ain't just a question of misunderstood
Deep down inside him, he's no good

[BABY JOHN]
I'm no good!

[JETS]
We're no good, we're no good
We're no earthly good
Like the best of us is no damn good

[MOUTHPIECE]
The trouble is he's crazy

[BALKAN]
The trouble is he drinks

[A-RAB]
The trouble is he's lazy

[SNOWBOY]
The trouble is he stinks

[BIG DEAL]
The trouble is he's growing

[BABY JOHN]
The trouble is he's grown

[JETS]
Krupke, we got troubles of our own!
Gee, Officer Krupke
We're down on our knees

[DIESEL]
'Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease

[JETS]
Gee, Officer Krupke
What are we to do?

[MOUTHPIECE & BABY JOHN]
Gee, Officer Krupke

[JETS]
Krup you!