Gary the Green-Nosed Reindeer

Lyrics by MC Lars
Music by MC Lars & the Dust Collector

In a magical land, in a magical town
Santa and his magic elves are hanging around
Building magical toys for boys and girls
To deliver to the world and bring Christmas joy
The reindeer and snug in their snow-covered stable
While Santa puts turkey on the dinner table
But a mile away, huddled in the snow
Gary sits scared as the arctic winds blow
Alone, on his own, forgotten and lost
Surviving on roots and the permafrost
Dreams of joining Santa’s team filled Gary’s head
And he’d walk by the stable when they had all gone to bed
He’d tap on the glass, the reindeer would laugh
Cutting Gary’s self-esteem painfully in half
He was Rudolph’s half-brother, unplanned, unwanted
By his father’s indiscretions he would be forever haunted

[Hook]
Gary the Green-Nosed Reindeer (reindeer)
Was of unexpected birth
But one year he saved Christmas
And he proved to them his worth
All of the other reindeer (reindeer)
Used to laugh and make him cry
They never let poor Gary (Gary)
Fly with them up in the sky

In a big dark castle on the other side of town
Osama Bin Laden was wearing a frown
With a bat on his shoulder, decked in a black cape
He devised a new plan to make America shake
He said, “I’ll destroy Christmas, here’s what I’ll do:
I’ll kidnap poor Rudolph, it’s 9/11 part two
The West will quake when their holiday is gone
Then I’ll rule the world, like my name was Exxon”
He snuck into the stable, so he could steal
Rudolph and he left in his Jihad Mobile
Santa found out the news and he said “Oh, dear
Rudolph’s gone, there will be no Christmas this year!”
The elves began to cry and the sky turned gray
But Gary heard the sobs walking by that day
He shared Rudolph’s DNA and had something to say
He said “I can guide your sleigh and make everything okay.”

Santa said, “Who are you?”
Gary said, “I’m Rudolph’s half brother
You can tell ’cause my nose is green, instead of red!”
Santa said, “Whatever, just put on this harness.”

[Hook]
So then one happy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say, say (say)
“Gary, with your nose so green
Won’t you guide my Christmas sleigh?”
Then all the reindeer loved him (loved him)
And they shouted out “hurray!” (hurray)
Gary the Green-Nosed Reindeer (reindeer)
Thanks for saving Christmas Day

And the toys were delivered across the world
Bringing Christmas joy to every boy and girl
Osama was fed up and let Rudolph go
And the brothers reunited in the north pole snow
Rudolph said, “Hey Gary, I’m sorry we laughed
And left you forgotten, like president Taft
We know it made you cry, we’re sorry we were mean
We’d like you to join our reindeer team”
And that is how Christmas got its colors
From the red and green noses of the reindeer brothers
You may see them flying high on Christmas Eve
Bringing gifts to little kids like Stacy and Steve
And Dennis and Cindy and Claire and Louise
Playstation 2s and Green Day CDs
But nada for Osama as they say in Espanol
No GameCubes in his stocking, now Santa brings him coal

[Hook]
Gary the Green-Nosed Reindeer (reindeer)
Was of unexpected birth
But one year he saved Christmas
And he proved to them his worth
All of the other reindeer (reindeer)
Used to laugh and make him cry
They never let poor Gary (Gary)
Fly with them up in the sky

So then one happy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say, say (say)
“Gary, with your nose so green
Won’t you guide my Christmas sleigh?”
Then all the reindeer loved him (loved him)
And they shouted out “Hurray!” (hurray)
Gary the Green-Nosed Reindeer (reindeer)
Thanks for saving Christmas Day