Game of Thrones: The Musical

[Version of the Game of Thrones opening]

[Chris Martin, to the tune of the GoT opening]
♪ There are Starks and there are Lannisters ♪
♪ and Kardashians and of-- ♪

[Will Champion]
Uh, it's "Targaryens." Idiot.

[Chris Martin]
♪ -- and Targaryens, and of course there's some unknowns ♪
♪ Welcome to the crazy, wacky world of Game of Thrones. ♪

[Will Champion]
- Nice, I like it.

[Chris Martin]
- Thanks man, cool.

[Liam Neeson narration]
In an exclusive Red Nose Day revelation, we've discovered that the British band, Coldplay, are secretly working on a musical of TV sensation, Game of Thrones.

[Chris Martin]
This is the best idea we've ever had.
(guitar and vocals)
♪ Bom, bom, bom baba dobodom ♪
(Chris Martin speaks while music
continues in background)
It's just been the most amazing
creative outpouring.

[Chris Martin]
Trust me
[ALL]
♪ Bom, bom, bom, baba dobodom ♪
[Will Champion]
Wait, wait, how many poppadoms?
They're "babadoms".

[Narration]
The band had been long-time fans of the show, and bearded drummer, Will Champion, actually took time off at one point to act in the famous 'Red Wedding' episode.
They've gathered in the Henson recording studio in Los Angeles to work up the 16 songs required for a full Broadway stage production.

(keyboard)
[Will Champion]
- Nice! Have you got any lyrics?
[Chris Martin]
- Yeah.
[Chris Martin singing "Closer to Home"]
♪ Around the world my heart had to roam ♪

[Mark Addy]
Well, when I first heard about it, I was, er, a little bit sceptical, but now I'm completely convinced: it's a horrible idea.

[Chris Martin - continued]
♪ Closer to ho-o-ome ♪

[Diana Rigg]
It's the worst idea I've ever heard.

[Chris Martin - continued]
♪ A family tree ... ♪

(music continues as female voiceover begins)
[Emilia Clarke]
One word that springs to mind when I'm thinking about this project is "Titanic." But not in terms of the successful movie, uh, in terms of the unsuccessful boat.

[Chris Martin - singing]
♪ Closer to home ♪
(band plays 'Red Wedding instrumental')
(piano music)
Cut to: RAK Studios, London
[Narration]
Finally, after months of writing and planning, Chris has invited along the entire cast of Game of Thrones, to recruit them into the live Broadway show.

[Chris Martin]
Fella's, how ya doin'?

[Chris Martin]
I had a moment of inspiration, it was
a flash of genius -- get the whole cast to come in. Everyone thought it was a brilliant idea, so that's what's happening. It's a big day, big day for us.

[Narrator]
All the actors are gathering to hear the songs performed for the first time.
[Camera pans, the chairs are empty..]
Well, not all of them.
[... outside of Iwan Rheoon and Mark Addy.]
More ... two.

[Mark Addy]
I was told Sean Bean was gonna be here. He owes me a fiver.

[Iwan Rheon]
Well, no, I don't think it is quite as many as the band would have hoped, but ... still a very exciting day!

[Chris Martin]
This is called "Rastafarian Targaryen."
(Band plays "Rastafarian Targaryen", reggae music)
- Yep!
♪ Ya-ya-ya-ya! ♪
♪ I'mma Rastafarian Targaryen ♪
♪ I got some dragons and they're
pretty scary-en ♪

(interviewer)
So Chris, how you think it's going?
[Chris Martin]
Stunning. Stunning. People are literally stunned.
(interviewer)
And what if some of them can't sing?
[Chris Martin]
Well, the funny thing is, they can sing.

[Chris Martin]
A two, three, four!
[Cut to the band playing "Red Wedding" while Ewan and Mark sing along]
♪ Bom, bom, bom baba
(Chris Martin)
Robert.... Robert! Snappy! Come on.
[Mark Addy]
No, no, I-sorry, sorry.
[Jonny Buckland]
I'm sure he'll come back.
[Chris Martin]
Well, with these things it's always step by step. Um, 50% of the cast seemed really into it, so, um... I think we're onto something really special.

(piano)
(narrator)
It's been a slightly disappointing day. But then...
[Kit Harrington]
Hey Chris. I'm sorry I'm late.
[Chris Martin]
Oh my god. Jon Snow. I knew you'd come.
[Kit Harington]
I'd never let you down, man.
[Chris Martin]
Thank you, Jon Snow.
[Kit Harington]
It's Kit.
(Chris Martin whispers)
Thank you, Kit Snow.
[Kit Harington]
Right. What we got, man?
(Band starts to play "Still Going Strong")
[Chris Martin]
- Right... right... More volume please, more volume, turn it up a bit!
(music in background)
[Chris Martin - singing]
♪ Still going strong ♪
(Music continues in the background)
(Narrator)
It's day two of the workshop, and suddenly things take a turn for the better. With a phone call from Jon Snow, and the offer of free food, a huge chunk of the cast have arrived.
(Alfie Allen walks through the door and sees Iwan Rheon. Alfie drops his coat after an intense stare -off. They suddenly embrace, laughing and smiling.)
[Iwan Rheon]
- Hey man! Good to see you, man!
[Alfie Allen]
- Hi, how ya doin'? You too.
[Iwan Rheon]
- Love your shirt, mate. Love your shirt.
[Alfie Allen]
- You look great.

(music, clapping)
(narrator)
It's been a very emotional morning.
[John Bradley]
I'll have the nuggets, please.
[Dinner Lady]
Yep, there's one left.
[John Bradley]
Oh, lovely!
[Thomas Brodie-Sangster ]
Ahh ... I sense this choice will not end well for you. I would suggest the drumsticks.
[John Bradley]
Oh. Oh, right, well, drumsticks it is, then, apparently. Cheers.
[Thomas Brodie-Sangster ]
I'll have the nuggets, please. Thank you.

(Band plays "Wild Thing", Kit Harrington sings)
♪ Wildling ♪
♪ You make my heart sing ♪
♪ You pull your bowstring ♪
♪ And shoot me ♪
♪ Wildling ♪
♪ Wildling, I think I love you ♪
♪ But I wanna know for sure ♪
♪ I wanna take you into that cave and kiss you, baby, down there ♪
♪ 'Cause I've never done it before ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Wildling ♪
♪ Woo! ♪
♪ Wildling ♪
(cheering, applause)

[Chris Martin]
Really, really, really, really good. Just, um, one tiny thing.
On the "lings," just be careful, you're going a little bit flat, so ...
[Rose Leslie]
No he wasn't. You know nothing, Chris Martin.
[Rose and Kit wink at each other seductively]

[Iwan Rheon, Alfie Allen and Charlotte Hope sing "I'm a Real Bastard"]
[Iwan Rheon, singing]
♪ If there's one thing Theon might have taught you ♪
[Alfie Allen, singing]
♪ (One thing I've taught you) ♪
[Iwan Rheon, singing]
♪ Is once I've caught you ♪
[Alfie Allen and Charlotte Hope, singing]
♪ (Once he's caught ya) ♪
[Iwan Rheon, singing]
♪ There will be torture ♪
[Alfie Allen and Charlotte Hope, singing]
♪ (There will be torture) ♪
(narrator)
Old wounds are healed as new songs are revealed.
[Iwan Rheon, singing]
♪ I'm a real bastard ♪
[Alfie Allen and Charlotte Hope, singing]
♪ (he's a bit of a bastard) ♪
[Iwan Rheon, singing]
♪ I'm a little more mean, ♪
(singing together, out of tune)
♪ A little more mean... ♪
[Iwan Rheon, singing]
♪ Than anyone you've ever seen ♪
[Alfie Allen and Charlotte Hope, singing]
♪ (Ever seen, ever seen, anyone you've ever seen, ever seen, ever seen) ♪

[Chris Martin]
OK, so, "Red Wedding". We're all passionate about this one, as you know.
(piano)
[Chris Martin]
It starts very serious.
♪ You don't mess around with Walder Frey ♪
[ALL]
♪ (You don't mess around with Walder Frey) ♪
[Chris Martin]
♪ You don't mess- Don't mess around with Walder Frey ♪
[ALL]
♪ (You don't mess around with Walder Frey ♪
(narrator)
Every style in the musical canon is captured in one day of blazing glory.
(song ends)
[Chris Martin]
Beautiful. Nice.
[Chris Martin plays again, singing "Red Wedding" with the cast]
♪ If you're here for the wedding of Robbie Stark ♪
♪ Keep the car running, there's no need to park ♪
♪ He's not going to make it through the ni-i-ight ♪
♪ Keep that wedding cake in the fridge ♪
♪ You didn't pay me back for using the bridge ♪
♪ I'm afraid this wedding won't be whi-i-ite ♪
♪ bom, bom, bom, baba babadum ♪
♪ Red Wedding, Red Wedding ♪
♪ Lots of stabbing and a bit of beheading ♪
♪ The Rains of Castamere are here to sta-a-a-ay ♪
♪ Red Wedding, Dead Wedding, ♪
♪ A head shredding, bloodshed wedding ♪
♪ There will be no wedding bedding ♪
♪ Hey ... you don't mess around with Walder Frey ♪
[Chris Martin]
Bang -- curtains -- Tony award. Great.
(cheering)

(Narrator)
News of the success of the workshop spreads like "wildfire#2. Suddenly, everyone is in.
[Emilia Clarke]
D'you know what? I've never been prouder to be in anything. I always knew it was gonna be a triumph. George R. R. Martin meets Chris Martin -- what could go wrong?
(Emilia Clarke singing "Rastafarian Targaryen", reggae music)
♪ Game 'a what now? Ai, eh, eh! ♪
♪ Call me Daenerys Targaryen when you wanna reach me ♪
♪ and if you feel the love then you can call me "Khaleesi" ♪
♪ Got so many names, I'm Queen of the Andals ♪
♪ Queen of the Meereen, yeah, you can kiss me sandals ♪

[Chris Martin and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau singing "Closer to Home"]
♪ With a branch of our own ... ♪
[Nikolaj Coster-Waldau]
- The funny -- I mean, it's, I know it's like a musical, but I can also hear it like, I can hear it in the radio, I can hear it everywhere. It's like, it's a hit!
[Chris Martin]
- It's a big song. It's a big song.
(narrator, over piano)
Raw emotion pours out from every corner of the room.
[Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, singing "Closer to Home"]
♪ Are you thinking 'bout Joffrey? Such a spirited lad ♪
♪ I was his uncle, I was also his dad ♪
(Narrator)
It's the first romantic ballad about incest in Coldplay's career.
[Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, singing]
♪Around the world, my heart had to roam ♪
♪ Now I’m looking for something, a little closer to home ♪
♪ Closer to home, closer to home ♪
♪ A family tree, with a branch of our own ♪

(Instrumental to "Still Going Strong" gets louder)
(Narrator)
The greatest rock opera of all time is coming together.
[Peter Dinklage singing "Still Going Strong", with two back-up singers]
♪ Still going strong (He’s still going strong) ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah (He’s still going strong) ♪
♪ Remember Ned Stark? He was a lot of fun (So fun) ♪
♪ But he didn’t make it past Season One (Oh no) ♪
♪ Some people’s parts just ain’t very long ♪
♪ But not me (Not me, not me, not me) ♪
♪ I’m still going strong (He’s still going stro-o-ong) ♪

[Chris Martin]
I can't believe it. It's a dream come true. Everything is come together, everyone's on board, we just need George R. R. Martin's permission and then, we're off. He's going to go absolutely crazy!
(Poster for Game of Thrones: The Musical, with the tagline "Coldplay Is Coming" as the narration returns)
And Chris was right. George R. R. Martin did go "absolutely crazy".
(The poster gets a huge "CANCELLED" banner over it)
[Chris Martin]
It's a setback. But a... lil' bit of this, lil' bit of that, change some words around... I got plenty of other brilliant ideas.
("Red Wedding" instrumental and vocals playing in the background. The camera pans past some posters for alternatives for the GoT musical: Downtown Abbey: The Opera, Breaking Bad: The Ballet, and Taken On Ice.)
(Narrator)
Huh. Well, that's not bad, actually...
(Liam Neeson then appears in his recording booth.)
Well, better get my skates on, then!

END