Further Away

I fell in love with the idea of California
Like I could be something there
Like she was a painting
And I viewed her abstractly
But she's not a painting
She's real, concrete and she rejected me
As far as I remember
I moved on aggressively
Lonely in New Jersey
It felt unworthy to claim anything there
I'll change my mind
I've no mind of my own
And I can never own you
I've started drinking alone again
Not enough to worry
But it's another line tho
And I used to be so rigorous
Beyond my years
I'm a child now
I'm blank half the time
Upset the rest
A sudden switch
I don't remember how I feel
I don't know how I'm supposed to comfort you
When I'm not completely sure you're real

If I could be constant in my sway
I thought you would change in a way
If I could become whatever you say
But you slip away every day

We constantly fight whatever we say
(You’d break your heart to hurt me)
I thought that could change in a way
(I cut myself on envy too)
If I could become whatever you say
(From all we’re turning into)
But you slip away every day
(And all I do to love you)