Freaky Tales

[Chorus]
These are the tales, the freaky tales...
These are the tales that I tell so well...

[Verse 1]
I met this girl, her name was Joan
She loved the way I rocked on the microphone
When I met Joan, I took her home
She was just like a doggy all on my bone
I met another girl, her name was Ann
All she wanted was to freak with a man
When I met Ann, I shook her hand
We ended up freakin' by a garbage can
The next young freak I met was Red
I took her to the house and she gave me head
She likes to freak is all she said
We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed
There's another girl, her name is Mary
Talk about sex and the girl acts scary
I heard she was freakin' from my homeboy Jerry
Took her to the house and I popped that cherry
Young and tender, sweet Denise
Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast
I tell you, homeboy, if you get a piece
She'll only start talking about signing a lease
I met this tender, her name was Lori
An X-rated movie wouldn't tell her story
She had a twin sister, her name was Lisa
And just like Lori, she's a real dick pleaser
My girlfriend's name was Michelle
Her booty was bigger than a tail on a whale
When I freaked Michelle, I freaked her well
Her pussy got hotter than the flames in hell
I G'd this girl, her name is Tammy
I didn't wanna do it 'cause the bitch was flammy
She had a best friend, her name was Jane
I pulled her to the side and I spit that game
I met a lot of freaks in my lifespan
Freaked one night with a girl named Pam
The very next day I saw her with her man
One week passed and I was in her again
I had an old tender, her name's Janine
She was 32 and I was only eighteen
She likes to freak, she's just a fiend
It really didn't matter when I saw her in jeans
I want a big freak, fat and sloppy
I kick on back and I watch her mop me
Two tons of fun, big Mamma Jamma
A country-girl from Alabama
I met this freak, her name was Beth
Her pussy got wet and it smelled like death
I was tired as hell, I was drippin' sweat
But I was all up in her trying to hold my breath
Bake and shake us, I met this freak in Vegas
She said her name was Dinah
She was a built little freak from China
I said I don't pimp or gigolo
I'm having so much money, I don't need a hoe
You can break yourself but you can't break me
You never met a player like $hort, baby
I knew a dick sucker named Betty-Jo
Took her to my house and we did it on the floor
The girl got freaky and I'll tell you more
She was down on her knees begging to blow
She's like another freak named Renée
You get her alone and she'll make your day
Like Burger King, she knows the play
But a freak like Renée, you can have it your way...

[Chorus]
These are the tales, the freaky tales...
These are the tales that I tell so well...
These are the tales, the freaky tales...
These are the tales that I tell so well...

[Verse 2]
I met this girl, thick as hell
Only sixteen, said her name was Linell
I took her to my house, I could not wait
Her shit was much tighter than a Century Safe
Let me tell you this since we're talking young
I met another girl, said her name was Yvonne
Always talking about having fun
Once again at the pad I had it going on
I'm Sir Too $hort, couldn't be no punk
I'm trying to get funky like "Female Funk"
So when you see me coming or see me going
I keep my money, let the hoes keep hoeing
I once met a hooker, she did it for free
On the Foothill bus number forty-three
All the way in the back she was working me
Had my big beatbox and I was jamming the beat
I met this freak named Antoinette
Macked on baby like an ice cold vet
Everything she had is what I get
'Cause I'm Too $hort, baby, I don't play that shit
I met another freak, her name was Rita
Baby thought Too $hort just might eat her
I told her like this, she could suck my peter
Or either go home 'cause I knew I didn't need her
Scratched her name out my telephone book
Never again took a second look
'Cause the next young freak, her name was Sharon
She kept looking while I kept staring
Baby came through with my homeboy Darren
Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearing
She never left, he cut out
I know you all know what I'm talking about
There's a freak named Shannon, such a sinner
She smokes that pipe and she's getting thinner
Shannon is cool but her mind is gone
One fat rock and it's going on
She had another buddy, came by my place
Thick ass bitch, said her name was Grace
She walked in the door working lace
You shoulda seen that look that was on my face
She's like this tender named Belinda
The homeboys called her 'Belinda the Blender'
She gave head like she made it up
She was twenty years old with a big round butt
Had a girl looked like Olive Oyl
Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled
When she got mad, her blood would boil
But I wrapped her all up like aluminum foil

[Chorus]
These are the tales, the freaky tales...
These are the tales that I tell so well...
These are the tales, the freaky tales...
These are the tales that I tell so well...

[Bridge]
Sugar Delight
Friday night
It's going on
Too $hort

[Verse 3]
Three weeks ago, I met this freak
She followed me around like Mary's sheep
I hid around the corner and when she came
I grabbed her by the arm and I asked her name
She said it was Anita
Her man's in Santa Rita
I took her to my house and homeboy, I G'd her
Sent her on her way
The very next day, Playboy $hort was ready to play
I bumped into this girl, her name's Roshawn
We hit the motel and had it going on
Holiday Inn to the break of dawn
When I took baby home, I freaked her mom
I knew this tender named Shari
I took her to the house and let her freak on me
Baby was a fan, she loved my beat
But I wouldn't raise my leg and let her kiss my feet
I met this freak named Yolanda
Rolled baby doll like a brand new Honda
I was on top, she was up under
The bed hit the wall and it sounded like thunder
I once had a date with a girl named Kitty
She was so fine with her big fat titties
All night long she was acting shitty
So I macked on baby like I was Frank Nitti
There's another girl, her name is Rose
I use to ride baby like brand new Vogues
I never saw Rose wearing clothes
She's a Penthouse pet, ready to pose
I was riding down the street when I met Janet
Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet
Ass everywhere, I just can't stand it
Tried to palm it but I could not manage
I had this freak, her name was Bunny
Said I'm the only man who ever called her honey
Everything I did to her was funny
I macked on Bunny and I took her money
Eight, tonight, a date, with Shirley
She was real short and her hair was curly
If you saw baby you liked this girlie
She was so fine I went to get her early
Shirley was freaking like a girl named Rachel
Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal
She liked to kiss all on my navel
Those are her lips on top of my label
I knew another freak, her name was Candy
Real big lips and they came in handy
I smooth got worked and it was so dandy
I hooked the broad up with my homeboy Randy
He did me a favor in return
Gave me a lizard, said her name was Laverne
Baby got tossed, then I got on
I grabbed the microphone and started singing my song
My young homeboy heard me rap
And said he had way more freaks than that
So I told him like this, they might be freaking
But, boy, you never had that T-P-Treatment...