For Lack Of A Better Word

For a lack of better words
It couldn't be any clearer
When you mad at me I can't look myself in the mirror
I'm severed, and I failed as a son, a brother, a boyfriend, a father, a husband and in that order
But its in all of us, like somethings in the water
I see it in my mother, I see it in my daughter
And whats really embarrassing I see it in myself
I tend to hide in the dark to ashamed to tell
So how am I supposed to find my way up out of hell
How can you search for a feeling you ain't never felt
Poetry in my sorrow, worried about tomorrow, look what I've done with all the time I borrowed
Heard the word, sometimes I followed
Most times I did my own thing
I tried praying but it felt so strange
Thinking he's not really there, and if he's there does he care
I write rhymes, hoping to relieve my mind of lusting, disgusting
But I don't even trust me
Filling voids, with items that I know only destroy
Relying on my self poise, thats a poisonous lie
Cause through Christ, there's joy and demise
Dead sleep finally open my eyes
Thats why I apologize and repent of every crime I committed
The strive to stay committed
To what God has given
Though my insecurities creeping
At night fall I'm tempted by the demon, seeking
Feel good's and complements and self indulgence
Envy, greed and what about me's
A disease that all of us are guilty of harboring
No need to battle back you just sound dumb in a argument
Ears itch, fences get straddled
When the 7 keys struck, 3 chased the shadow
Playing with fire, bridges will burn
So many things in hindsight that I didn't concern
Responsibilities I ignored them
I know I said this before but this time I'm sure
Sincere, and I'm aware that sins here
I gave it to Him, I guess it ends here
I reminisce on the stress I caused I know it hurt
Taking money out my momma purse, after church
Meet up with Murk, puff on the purple
Purpin', the who we were on the block working
Pulling all nighters momma don't even know where I'm at
In a back of a cop car arms hand-cuffed behind my back
The fact is I knew better
Any way I could I was out to rob whoever
But the whole time I knew the Lord was there
I gave it all to him, so it ends here