Fool to Myself

There were times in my life
I avoided the voice of my reason
When respect for myself
Was the search for a hole in the wall

When I hated my face and
Evaded my gaze in the mirror
Been a fool to myself but
I ain't gonna do it no more

I believed all the crap that
Fanatics were happy to parrot
And their world of uncomfortable
Certainties made me secure

I conformed and performed
All their torturous mental contortions
Been a fool to myself but
I ain't gonna do it no more

Living each day in a
Permanent haze of frustration
Too eager to please and
Too scared to say boo to a hen

Lying awake going over
Each humiliation
I've been kicking myself
Again and again and again

I've tried to be nice all the time
And control my emotions
I've pretended I wanna make love
When I'm ready for war

And I've planned every move
And manoeuvre in human relations
Been a fool to myself but
I ain't gonna do it no more

I'm sick to the gills of appeasing the creeps who abuse me
All the sorrys, I've muttered to others for nothing at all
Of accepting the verdict of vermin who lie and accuse me

Been a fool to myself but
I ain't gonna do it no more
Been a fool to myself but
I ain't gonna do it no more