Fine Romance

A fine romance my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take jello
You' re calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion

A fine romance with no quarells
With no insults and all morals
I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants
I never get the chance; this is a fine romance!

A fine romance with no kisses
A fine romance my friends this is
To lack half the thrills that a healthy crime has
We don't have half the thrills that the march of time has

A fine romance with no clinches
A fine romance with no flinches
You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France
I haven't got a chance
My heart isn't made of plastic, you're the reason I'm sarcastic; 'cause this is a fine fine romance!