Fight Club (Ikea Porn)

INT. JACK'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Jack, fully clothed, lies on top of his bed, holding a cordless phone to his ear. He stares at the ceiling and swats at a fly.

JACK (V.O.); So, once again, I couldn't sleep.

Jack hears something on the phone. He sits up.

JACK: I've been holding for thirty minutes.

Spread all over the floor by Jack's feet are INVOICES for CREDIT CARDS.

JACK: Yes, that's right. Yes, but I transferred part of my balance to my Visa to get the lower rate. Oh, wait. No, it wasn't your Visa. Okay, I transferred all of the MasterCard... to ... Look, can I just come down in person? I live here -- in Wilmington. Yes, all my credit cards have main headquarters here. No? Why not? Why can't I speak to an account rep? No, wait, don't put me on-

Jack reacts to being put on hold.

INT. BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Jack sits on the toilet. He digs through a magazine rack. IKEA
Catalogues, Pottery Barn catalogues and more of the kind. Jack opens An IKEA catalog and flips through it.

JACK (V.O.): I had become a slave to the IKEA nesting instinct. If I saw something like the clever Njurunda coffee tables in the shape of a lime green Yin and an orange Yang-

Move in on PHOTO of the tables.

CUT TO:

INT. JACK'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Completely EMPTY.

JACK (V.O.): I had to have it.

The Njurunda tables APPEAR.

INSERT - PHOTO OF SOFAS

JACK (V.O.): The Haparanda sofa group ...

INT. JACK'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The sofa group APPEARS.

JACK (V.O.): ...with the orange slip covers by Erika Pekkari. The Johanneshov Armchair in the Strinne green stripe pattern.

The armchair APPEARS.

JACK (V.O.): The Rislampa/Har lamps from wire and environmentally-friendly unbleached paper.

The lamp APPEARS.

JACK (V.O.): The Vild hall clock of galvanized steel.

The clock APPEARS.

JACK (V.O.): The Klipsk shelving unit.

The shelving unit APPEARS.

INT. BATHROOM - RESUMING

Jack flips the page of the catalog to reveal a full-page photo of an entire kitchen and dining room set.

JACK (V.O.): I would flip and wonder, "What kind of dining room set *defines* me as A person?"

Jack drops the catalog down, open to this spread. PAN OVER to the Magazine stack -- there's an old, tattered PLAYBOY.

JACK (V.O.): It used to be Playboys; now -- IKEA.

INT. JACK'S KITCHEN AND DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

-Looking exactly like the photo in the catalog. Jack walks in with the cordless phone still glued to his ear.

JACK: I want to transfer my balance to get a lower interest rate.

Jack looks over the whole kitchen, dining room, and the living room beyond.

JACK (V.O.): The things you own, they end up owning you.

Jack opens a cabinet, takes out a plate.

JACK (V.O.): My hand-blown green glass dishes with the tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof they were crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of wherever.

He rummages through the refrigerator. It's practically empty. Jack takes out a jar of mustard, opens it and uses a butter knife to eat it.

INT. BEDROOM - LATER

Jack lies on the bed, phone still at his ear.

JACK: I want to talk to a live person.

Jack reacts, listens, impatiently punches a single number; waits, listens, punches another single number; listens. He rolls over, looks at one of the bills on the floor and punches an entire credit card number.