Fiend Like Me

[Verse 1]
Tune into your favorite station
Peruse any news publication
See the state of the states and nations
Corporations, inflation, invasions
Well, I say that they could take some
Intercontinental consolidation
One flag emblazoned with my face on
And I don't plan on an application
Introducing villainy squared
Just your standard reclusive trillionaire
With a maniacal air and a violent flare
Vibrant tyrant enshrined in a stylish chair
You can find me there on my island lair
Where the sirens blare as I stride in striking fear
With the slightest glare, I'm not fighting fair
Step aside for thе frightful heir
So you'd better gеt to polishing your white flags
I've a plethora of monuments to hijack
Shrink the Senate, use the columns as a spice rack
And enveloping the Commons in a Flytrap
Minions all over my map
Turn your dominion into a nice back
Yard for my kingdom, your income might lapse
Might have to squint at the price on the ransom price tag

[Spoken]
You know, I've just realized that this dotted line around the globe is supposed to be the Equator...
I always thought of it more as a 'cut here'

[Chorus]
If all the world's a stage, then I shall play my part
You may say it's cliché, but I say that it's an art
Every deck needs a knave to come and stack the cards
The world may be yours to save, but it's mine to tear apart
One button's all it takes to set the Earth a-quaking
Or is the world afraid, and the planet started shaking?
You'd need tectonic plates to serve the schemes I'm baking
And the menu for today is some world domination

[Verse 2]
I'm the meanest genius scheme unfurler
Genus steeped in burglars, murderers
Fiend Weekly's champ moustache twirler
I cheated, I used curlers
Yes, my amusements bamboozle
A glamorous ruse to confuse all
Your plans to tamper and snoop, you're delusional
Can't see no scheme, while you're schmoozing my valets
Casino screen obscures my base
So if you don't want a day to rue, let's
Just play the roulette, forget the backstage
But if you do sleuth through to my sanctum
I've a few new tools here to have fun
Like a tank full of man-eating plankton
Or a smooth henchman with a handgun
So whilst I'm busy dislodging Norway
You'll spend all day dodging my saw blades
Raising my pinball scoresheet
Freak in the broadsheets, Rube Goldberg in the hallways
Stay between the laser beams
You still won't make it face to face with me
Your agency just paid you to take a vacation
In my interrogation seat
One wrong step in my bullion vaults
And you're gonna be met with a billion volts
But if you do pocket any ill-gotten profits
Then I'll dock it via rocket from the minion at fault
My management skills are uniquely stirring
When lacking in diligent measly servants
Having one killed with the team observing
Works magic on building the weak's subservience

[Spoken]
See, I think I'd make a perfect leader. I'm very hands-on
And by that I mean my hand's on this big red button
That may or may not do something terrible to the Moon's gravity
Don't worry, I'll write you a lovely orbit-uary

[Chorus]
If all the world's a stage, then I shall play my part
You may say it's cliché, but I say that it's an art
Every deck needs a knave to come and stack the cards
The world may be yours to save, but it's mine to tear apart
You secretly live below my laser-mounted space station
You may need to think it over, but if I get bored of waiting
I'll be beaming tic-tac-toe between the borders of your nations
Want to keep the Swiss Plateau? Then give me world domination

[Verse 3]
I've minions poised and entrapped informers
Villains exploiting the map's four corners
Off to deploy my outlandish orders
Warrants are void, international waters
If I steal her bling, do I have to wait
For the Queen of England to abdicate?
Shrink rays are aimed so why raze the place?
Turn your famed locations to paperweights
Now your monument's stored in a portable size
Does my offer seem more of an affordable price?
Your democracy's nice, but you ought to comply
Or I'll alter your mind via the water supply
"Reports coming live of a sort of device
That authorities describe as an orb in the sky"
It's absorbing the light and distorting the ice
Till your tenth-story penthouse is caught in the tide
Forces of justice ought to give up
'Fore I bore through the crust and get awfully destructive
Force down your government's doors, then I'll bust in
Awesomely scored by a chorus of trumpets
Rulers you foolishly trust to prevent my ascent
Just uselessly buckle and bend
If your throne ever feels too comfortable, then
Remember, all good things come to an end

[Chorus]
If all the world's a stage, then I shall play my part
You may say it's cliché, but I say that it's an art
Every deck needs a knave to come and stack the cards
The world may be yours to save, but it's mine to tear apart
That stylish new telephone, home appliance sensation
Rewrites your genetic code every time the tone is playing
So I'm sure to get your vote for my new administration
Detonator's set to blow for some world domination

[Outro]
It's too late to stop me
By now the laser dolphins are in position and all the world leaders at the Beachside Peace Summit and Barbecue has been incinerated
I'll be sure to notify their next of fin
(Laughing) Oh, that was good, somebody write that down