Eyes Toward The Sun

Preparing for take off
Got a flightier jacket and a passport
But no days off
Last resorts what them days brought you
Missing fam what them gigs cost you
Listen more than you prepare to talk to them
Like they is crazy
Like they ain't even make me
Like I ain't they baby
Like they ain't even raise me
I been tripping tripping far along before taking flights
I've been dissing distance family members for all the ones I ain't see in sight
Right like I've been light
But here comes all the baggagе
Here's all the luggagе
Get fucked up
For the time we ain't have shit
But
Momma made work
Seven to three
Three to eleven
Eleven to seven
Naw she ain't missing work
We had faith like we in the church
She praying allah
And I was smoking on ganja
All through college
We ain't driving no mileage
Weed a cheap get away then we on the islands
I been lying
Steady hiding
Kinda find
Decipher who I am
A deadbeat cousin
Missing functions
Like it nothing
Said I had no time then
I made it to studios
Listen sessions
And getting on stage
I know it's a blessing
This introspection
Figure out most of my way

How we looking up to you and you a hallucination
We think that you there but you is not
You focused on dreams that you have been chasing
Your head in clouds
You not coming down
You seeing what's wrong
And you don't make a sound
You don't come around
My momma died and you ain't come round then
Little cousins locked up and you steady playing with pens while they in the pen
You writing rhymes but writing no letter to send
I been thinking you forgetting about us and the fam
What the fuck is gon happen you when you make it further and pop with glam
Pregnant and I ain't even see you at the reveal
I can finally reveal how the fuck how we feel
And you ain't been keeping it real
The sun shine everywhere right?
But ain't shed no light over here
And you talking bout saving the hood
What you forgot that your family is there?

I've been lost my mind
No apologies this time
I'm gon call your line
And please don't press decl-

I'm sorry little cousin
I ain't know that was your perception
I'm not neglecting
Your view I respect it
And I been felt disconnection
Alway felt like the black sheep
If you ask me
I been struggling for past weeks
My mental ain't exact how I want it
I ain't frontin
The truth you wanted
When she passed I was to Atlanta on a flight
And I've been in the clouds too busy escape this life
My eyes towards toward the sun
Toward the dream
I never knew to scorch my skin and my eyes may start to bleed
I just saw the beauty with the warmth like beach
The money to move us out the hood
But if we lose connections would that life still seem so good
To have it but barely see the ones I love
Birthdays weddings missed but still find times to meet my plug
To get that eighth and then escape just for the moment
Promise break and then flake
And then I never phoned in
So you question till the morning
Do I love you?
Am I still your big cousin?
Carrying all this luggage I forgot how being loved is
Forgot how thick that blood is