Etika

[Intro]
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Uh, yeah, yeah
(It's Samazin)
Yo

[Verse]
I remember thinking Etika was right
All alone in my zone in the dead of night
Pondering on the things he was thinkin' and why he ain't feel this life
With a sharp pain in my chest like it's being pierced with a knife
Like, was he sick or did he understand?
Did he break from keeping everything bottled up as a man?
I know I did and I hated it, walking round as a pessimist
Yet feeling like we closer cause I'm sharing in his sentiment
Thinkin ima see him and we'll get to have a talk
Saying 'bye' to my surroundings every time I took a walk
Cuz I ain't wanna be here, I'll take a sec to be clear
I've been done, you can't look me in my eyes and see fear
There's wasn't none to see here, not a reason to function
I said "I want to die", that was end of discussion
Couldn't no one change my mind with a word from their mouth, bro
I was set, there wasn't shit clickin like the mouse broke
How'd I get to a sunken place from my laughter?
Why did I feel slowed as the world is proceedin' faster?
Why is my heart shattered from happily ever after?
Was constantly on the search knowin' that I won't get the answers
Waiting to be ash in the wind
Hopin' in another life that we'll be laughing again
Swearing that this isn't something I'll regret, man
Crazy when relating to your friend is relative to a dead man
In a constant Kumite with my emotions
Gauging my self love on irrelevant parties notions
Thoughts of my first love and how I didn't feel important
And still seeing our faces in the baby she aborted
Dwellin' on everything like a failure, the shit was new to me
Walkin' through it alone even though I got people cool with me
Tryna kill the aches by murdering who I used to be
Bandaiding wounds by covering them in jewelry
The most not myself I felt ever
Yet after killin' who I was I never felt better
And it makes me sit and ponder
What goal was he reachin' for?
I know he had his cuz I got scars that y'all ain't see before
I wish I could have a call with that nigga
So I can ask what death is like and learn it all from that nigga
See if he's happier off since he's away from the noise
I broke down, then built up but I can't fill this void
I feel hollow, and I make sure the ammo matches the feelin'
In case I'm faced with an opp instead of hangin' from the ceiling
In case I get popped cuz I'm dropping somethin' with me
I ain't goin' by my hands, then I got my something with me
Made enemies out of friends, shut myself out from fans
Convinced that the ones that left us are the ones that understand
Side eyein' the living, even those in my home
Surrounded by so much love, yet still feelin' alone
Crumblin' fightin' with feelings on shit that don't matter
Strugglin' to focus because shit just don't add up
Agony come and go, I create the thoughts that I'm facin'
So why the fuck can't I take it? Why the fuck am I shakin'?
This is life ain't it? Physical and mental strain?
We all want a better high, we just gotta find our strain
Pain is on the menu, huh? We don't get much novocaine
Sometimes tryna hold shit up, leave you with them shoulder pains
Sometimes we can't show our pains, sometimes we don't know we got em
Sometimes we just think we normal, some just switched and then forgot 'em
Tightroped tryna' find my balance, trying not to fall and perish
Wishin' I could text the afterlife and see he read the message
Maybe he ain't have it right, or maybe I just ain't been through it
Enough I should take my leave or I ain't brave to do it
I know that I ain't alone in this feeling but I still feel it
Time don't show us any mercy, we still need it for the healin'
Maybe I should take the time, maybe I should let it go
Just because I'm breaking now, doesn't mean it's set in stone
Wish that I could bring him back, wish that I could let him know:
Once you really hit the bottom, only thing that's left is growth
The internal war really isn't as bloody as you think
What you feel is your breakin' point is the furthest from your brink
Loneliness from your dismay hides you showin' you love
Give it a chance and life will show you you tough
I had to go through a switch, lose my mind and lose my heart to a bitch
Lose every fuck I had to give and stop harborin' shit
And I was off of the shits, boy I was seekin' a grave
But I know I got time left, so I'm seekin' my pay
I just wish you were here, but I thank you for the lesson
I used to call your phone to hear your voice up in that message
Don't know if I got it, or if this is the right direction
But some day you gon' answer my questions, nigga