El Centro On Five Dollars A Day

The lawman said, El Centro on five dollars a day?
You must be dreaming, kid, how long did you want to stay?
'Cause, son, that's just the price of admission
Are you out of your mind? 'Cause if you want to stay here you damn well better listen
'Cause you see, son, we got nine square miles of beautiful brown turf
Zero murders per hundred thousand, and we could care less about the surf
We're the centre of a promising commercial region
We got the Rotary and Lion's Club and damn good American Legion
I said, I'm just trying to get to the golden state
I hear there's jobs everywhere and the weather is great
And he said, Oh, I see you don't believe this is California
Well, I guess the folks back in wherever didn't warn you
'Cause, you see, it ain't all swimming pools and movie stars
If you're looking for that place, that may as well be Mars
You little shit
And then he said, Son, we've got points of interest and good museums and golf
But if you really want your heart broke we're just a little bit soft
If I had a nickel for every time I've seen your kind
I'd be so rich I'd probably lose my mind
And I said, Okay, I think I get what you're saying
It's that you can't always get what you want without paying, okay
You see, here's the problem, I never been much of a gambler
But I, god damn sure, always been a rambler
So I'm going to the place that may as well be Mars
Unless you plan to keep me locked behind these cold steel bars
He said, I've never been one to hold back a dreamer like you
Maybe you'll get lucky as one of the chosen few
And then he turned me loose, and he said, Here's your five bucks
The bus station's right down the street, you saw it
Now watch out for the toilet down there, I didn't say the place was perfect
I mean, we got fungus just like everybody else does, you know
Then I walked to the outskirts of town and I turned back
And I said, Goodbye, El Centro, hello, California