Eighteen

I wish I met you ten years ago
When I was eighteen
A tragic late bloomer with no sense of humor
Dreaming of my gypsy queen

You would have found me on the couch
Playing with my flip phone
At some house party off-campus
Waiting to walk home alone

You would have offered me a pot brownie
When I imagine it now
And we would have
Talked all night
Danced to the sunrise
And I would have kissed your mouth
Without a doubt

It would have saved us so much time
Knowing it was always you
On that far end of forever
That I've been singing to

Forever is not enough
I want a whole life through
To love you
I wish I had junior year
To disappear in your brown eyes
My first song should have been your song
My first time, it should have been your arms
A life to love you
I want a whole life through to love you
I want a whole life through to love you more
I want a whole life through to love you more

I wish I met you at five years old
Through a crack in the fence
Back when clouds were angels and
Your hair was in tangles
And the world was its own sacrament

In those halcyon flashes
Through the hourglass sand
Now I only see in pictures
When once I could have held your hand

I could have saved you from your parents fighting
I could have joined you in the closet hiding
You could have saved me from the prejudice
And the goddamned fundamentalists

But in the time that I have left
I will not waste the rest of these years
I want twin Roman candles shooting
I want twin liter beers

Forever is not enough
I want a whole life through
To love you
We could have had Springsteen, swim team, and blue skies

My first song should have been your song
My first time, it should have been your arms
A life to love you
I want a whole life through to love you
I want a whole life through to love you more
I want a whole life through to love you more

And if we come back here
Let's find each other first