Eighteen

Eighteen
I dont fucking want it
Its a mystery how i made it this far and kept my stomach
Feel disgusted guess im used to all the shit that piles daily
Grown immunity to such because dont nobody try to save me
And that crazy

All i do is try to help out
Whether tryna make you smile
Or im blowing out your self doubt

But no one does the same for me
Treat me like a nuisance
Then you wonder why its paining me
To speak

Ive been paranoid all fucking week
Like all the pressure in the world
Dragging me down pulling by feet
My legs are weak

Panicking panicking
Hide away with that laugh again
Start the phone call
And put on a happy face dont get mad again

Why the fuck do this keep happening
Stuttering im shaken up, my vision starts to blacken
Imagining shadow figures moving past my fucking eyes again
Wonder why im sane, when all this shit is fucking maddening

Eighteen
I dont fucking want it
As a kid you always wish that you were grown until youve done it
And i dont even recognize myself
Forgot the way i used to be
And now that time is out my hands
A victim to the tv screen

I really do not fucking want it
Saying i should be so proud of me
I got through all this rubbish
But i ain't
Never give myself a fucking break
Im waking up to all the torture that bring to my own brain

And all the years of being
Put down, shot off, and fucking stepped on
Culminating can't believe i let my fucking self down
Spite me for no reason
Im still feeling like its my fault
Still ain't face my demons
They ain't answering the phone call

Then i get angry when i can't explain it
Thoughts are getting jumbled
As i try to speak, im too impatient
Hate the waiting
Time it moves so fast these days, i keep complaining
Always changing, maybe things will lighten up if i keep patient

Eighteen
I dont fucking want it
Didn't see myself making this plummet
Dozen reasons why i shouldn’t keep it up
But im a puppet to my stomach

Im suprised i made it this far
Think i should be happy
More than ever im just pissed off
I just need someone to talk to
A distraction from the bullshit
Someone to delay my tendencies to fucking end shit