Don’t Let The Bellhops Bite

[Spoken Intro]
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[Verse 1]
There's a cozy little place tucked away
Between the third and fourth circle of Hell
Where you can take a break, makes a great vacation
Maybe take in just a little damnation as well
So ring the bell, we're excited to welcome you in
No time herе to dwell on your sins
Your itinerary's fairly heavily pеrilous, but let me share the various
Amenities you're getting within
If you've got luggage, the staff can take it through
But the baggage that's emotional, well that can stay with you
You've clearly packed a bag with plans to stay a day or two
But it's pretty optimistic if you think you won't be strewn
Across the floor, twisted and deformed
Little bits of blood and gore
Chewed and spit out of the maw
Of a vicious set of jaws in a spiffy uniform
All your sins have a cost
But your death is complimentary, of course

[Chorus]
It's just monkey business but with one key difference
That the one reliving it is beyond deliverance
We've got one piece hidden in deep amongst these remnants
Of our one-time residents in our little hotel in Hell
Where the bellhops bite

[Verse 2]
We're afraid to say that the pool is closed
Since the lifeguard started to decompose
Down here things lurk deep below
So stay clear if you want to keep your toes
Breakfast is served till ten, but no one ever wakes up to attend
'Cause if you lay your head on a bed, you'll be too dead for eggs
And you'll never eat bacon again
Our gymnasium's stocked with the best utensils
Though you ought to be running without the treadmill
The bar's a haunt, with all the spirits you want
They were all our last guests to get killed
We've so many amenities, no chance of boredom
We both know you've already seen the ballroom
A little reminder, you've a riddle to find
Or it is frivolous fighting your doom

[Chorus]
It's just monkey business but with one key difference
That the one reliving it is beyond deliverance
We've got one piece hidden in deep amongst these remnants
Of our one-time residents in our little hotel in Hell
Where the bellhops bite

[Verse 3]
Think twice before you use that phone by the bed
Room service will cost you an arm and a leg
And a torso, a stomach, a neck, and a head
The menu's sparse, but the staff's well-fed
We'll provide a device that might help you find the
Shards you've been tasked with and hide from the nightmares
But if you try to check the TripAdvisor, you'll likely trip and die, sir
"Five stars, never a survivor!"
We're not winding you up, we're not letting you go
Fish the mint from the blood pooling in the pillows
Checkout is at one, not that you'll need to know
Pay your tab at the front desk, or death will be slow
We strongly urge that you defer your day's ablutions
The concierge will start the purge before you're through them
Whilst on your journey on the way to retribution
We hope that you enjoy your stay of execution

[Chorus]
It's just monkey business but with one key difference
That the one reliving it is beyond deliverance
We've got one piece hidden in deep amongst these remnants
Of our one-time residents in our little hotel in Hell
Where the bellhops bite