Divorce Court

She's acting strangely
I'm wearing paisley
Our years of raging love are through

I miss the old days
Long before Coldplay
We lost our eBay password

It's so despairing
She stopped her caring
For Fred Astaire and Ginger too

So scared to be tossed
Out on the street crosswalk
I might get run over

Your honor, I object!

Kid stuff abandoned
Now I'm Ralph Kramden
She found a stand-in substitute

Ears got tinnitus
Here comes arthritis
If you don't think that I'm sick, you're sick

I end up too drunk
She's in a blue funk
Sleepin' by a tree trunk breaks the law

She was my honey
Back when I had money
Now it's not funny paper

When will Chris Sievey
Email R. Stevie?
Send Jim McGreevey Timbuk 3

Oh marriage counselor!
I have an announcement:
Our love has bounced its checkbook

Your honor, I object!

Where do I sign to
Keep my dear wife who
Saved my poor life from homelessness?

No pokin' 'round her
Hotmail account, sir
In Student Council we don't do that

She claims I said things
Cruel to her heartstrings
Our separate beds sing sad songs

This tape machinist
Can't take his penis
Seriously? This is untrue

This makes my friends mad
Intelligence hath
Turned violence half-crazy

Your honor, I object!

Can't we start over?
Crimson and clover
White Cliffs of Dover, Kent UK

Oh marriage counselor!
I have an announcement:
Our children trounced their textbooks
Objection overruled