Disingenuous

(Verse 1)
Here's another notion I've been holding for days
I'm told I shouldn't show it with my soul on display
But if I'm holding in the omens that I know to negate
I figure I'll explode when I go to debate
In order to prevent that foundation from cracking
Wiser instincts are to map out what's lacking
Formulate a gameplan, and record it in tracks
Then hold myself accountable to act like a man
Been thinking like one way, but acting like another
Now I don't show it
But shit at the moment
Is giving me hope to rise above it
It's basically I'm anxious, and I'm feeling distracted
By being focused I can know I'm equipped to combat this
Shouldn't be drinking, but this whiskey's nearly gone
Should be walking, 'stead of talking, but I'm lost up in this thought
It feels that by sitting here, I'm tripping these alarms
But walking forwards on is quickly bringing on a calm

(Chorus)
Thoughts are conflicting, with all of them shifting
It's hard to know what I fully am missing
Where I go I'm showing my better face
Trying to ensure there's no regrets in my wake
I take it day by day while I'm feeling the strain
I'm glad to have a fan base that can relate
When cracking a smile is strenuous
I'm feeling disingenuous

(Verse 2)
I'm starting to question the company I keep
It's a sign of the times, or it's a sign that I'm weak
If you bail or reschedule every time that we meet
Why do I stay silent if we collide in the street?
I'm friends with Jekyll and Hyde, well, that's what I think
You seem to transform every time that you drink
What you say, and what you do, are very rarely in sync
We're living different lives, without a sign of a link
Personalities have a way to show who they are
It takes a little while if they are broken or scarred
Now I'm sensing a darkness, in the corner of your heart
It feels like I should leave before that shadow gets sparked
Now I don't know if I'm changing, and I'm trying to project
But you used to be a friend that I would try to protect
At least now I recognize I wasted my breath
Cause you would brush off my advice, without a sign of respect

(Chorus)
Thoughts are conflicting, with all of them shifting
It's hard to know what I fully am missing
Where I go I'm showing my better face
Trying to ensure there's no regrets in my wake
I take it day by day while I'm feeling the strain
I'm glad to have a fan base that can relate
When cracking a smile is strenuous
I'm feeling disingenuous

(Verse 3)
Let's take a verse to rip some bars about booze
Down a shot, now I feel like I'm a confident dude
When I'm hanging with the boys, we'll have a bottle or two
Now I don't do this all the time, so I don't call it abuse
For six years, I was using beer as a crutch
It would help me man up when I was fearful as fuck
If I saw a pretty lady, I'd try to feel her up
But typically, I'd offer her my seat on the bus
And as I'm getting older, my body's getting weaker
My tolerance now, well, it's obviously meager
In the morning after, I'm dishonourably meaner
So why the fuck would I keep going, when I'm trying to be cleaner?
I've got other goals that are begging my attention
Constant self-improvement provides my direction
I drew out my plan, now it's time for execution
It goes without mention, but now it's time for me to prove it

(Chorus)
Thoughts are conflicting, with all of them shifting
It's hard to know what I fully am missing
Where I go I'm showing my better face
Trying to ensure there's no regrets in my wake
I take it day by day while I'm feeling the strain
I'm glad to have a fan base that can relate
When cracking a smile is strenuous
I'm feeling disingenuous