Dirty Claus Rag

The night before Christmas we put up the tree
Sure was a beautiful sight to see
Kids standin' round with a smile on their face
Hung up their stockings on the fireplace
And off to bed we all did race
Just waitin' for ol' Santa Claus

Santa Claus, you dirty dog
You done us wrong
Woke up this morning, took a look around
Our Christmas tree was gone!

Things were there where they ought to be
Slippers for you and a wallet for me
A box of blocks, some Mickey Mouse ears
Bicentennial souvenirs
And a great big box marked "I love you dear"
But where was our Christmas tree?

Santa Claus, you dirty dog
You done us wrong
Woke up this morning, took a look around
Our Christmas tree was gone!

Santa lives on the North pole
Where it's very freezing cold
And quite impossible to grow
Even one Christmas tree

Santa and his elves work day and night
To make our Christmas cheery and bright
But don't you think it would be alright
If he took our Christmas tree? (NO!!)

He came down the chimney in a flash
Started taking things out of his Christmas sack
Placed his finger alongside his nose
Started out laughing with a "Ho ho ho!"
And then he stopped laughing and - oh no!
Started looking at our Christmas tree

Santa Claus, you dirty dog
You done us wrong
Woke up this morning, took a look around
Our Christmas tree was gone!

The solution is simple to see
The conclusion to my Christmas tree
This kind of thing won't happen no more
I'll nail down the tree to the living-room floor
And wait for old Santa behind the door
And when he comes in I'm gonna say

Santa Claus, you dirty dog
You done us wrong
Woke up this morning, took a look around
Our Christmas tree was gone!

I wonder what Santa wants with my tree anyway...