Diagnosis

[Intro]
Hey all, it’s The Master here, man, just sayin’ what’s up
Yeah it’s a true story, man, it’s true ‘cause it’s happenin’ to me, yep
And that’s for real

[Verse 1]
I felt a painful lump in my arse cheek
I went and saw my GP and asked him for a biopsy
He said it wasn’t necessary and that defeats logic
He just gave me some painkillers and antibiotics
Along with a bill for sixty dollars
He must’ve been late for golf, he didn’t have time to solve my problems
Oh yeah, it was a problem all right
I wound up in emergency waiting room all night
I finally saw some sort of trainee
Who claimed it wasn’t a priority to expect a letter in two weeks
To cut it long story short that letter never came
And they said to me the lump is gettin’ bigger and so is the pain
After waitin’ two months, I saw another GP
Who rang the hospital and said he needs help immediately
She gave me references to everyone I needed to see
That’s when my life changed drastically

[Interlude 1]
Yeah man, what can I say?
That was the start of like, a really ultra slow out of control car collision
And that’s just bein’ in, just waitin’
You know you’re gonna hit a pole or somethin’
It’s gonna hurt

[Verse 2]
But it takes so long when you’re in a public system
With nobody listenin’, you’re a second rate citizen
Eventually my appointments start to roll in
Every machine you’ve seen in the movies, I’ve been in
And let me tell you how scary it is
I felt like Homer Simpson gettin’ pumped full of ink
Or they’d make you drink some radioactive stuff
And put you in a different machine to see what’s shows up
And they’re forever takin’ blood
Biopsies, MRIs, BTs and other stuff, mostly done by trainees
“Can I get a nurse that can find a vein, please?”
My confidence is at an all time low
Because I’m scared as hell, wantin’ to know what they know
And they’re forever takin’ notes, but won’t show ‘em to me
Surely by now, you must know what’s growin’ in me

[Interlude 2]
Yeah man, you know it’s not just that
It’s just like, sitting in them waiting rooms, man, like
You know, like, I’m the youngest one there, on my own
You know, I feel real bad ‘cause I got, like these old people lookin’ at me
Just like, like feelin’ sorry for me and stuff
It’s just like a bad situation
No one knows what’s goin’ on in there
At the hospital, it’s a joke, man
It’s a bloody joke

[Verse 3]
Gotta do it on my own, because I’ve got no family
Only one or two true friends that can handle me
‘Cause when I’m stressed or scared I tend to swear a lot
Givin’ my so called fair weather friends an excuse to step off
And I’ve never felt so lonely
But I never thought my homies would disown me
Alone at the tram stop, in the winter rain
Of to the coronal rectal section again
I roll on up, because I know the drill
But this time they put me in a different waiting room to chill
My gut feeling’s tellin’ me that this is not the best
So I tell myself it’s prob’ly just another test
Anything to put my mind at rest
In a room I won’t forget everybody had the face of death
Finally my name got called
By some big bouncer councellor, this is not good at all
At least he might have some answers
He said “The news is not good, sorry mate, you’ve got cancer”