deniAl

[Intro]
I’m not okay, I’m not alright
I’ve dealt with worse
I’m fuckin’ fine
I generate these thoughts make feelings highs
A heart-to-heart, access denied

Access denied, access denied
Access denied, access denied
Access denied, access denied
Access denied, access denied
(Access the night?)

[Verse 1]
I’m on vocal rest
My tone is deaf from hearing you
Bury my depression so you won’t hear my point of view
No it happened, doesn’t matter it’s all about you
Kill myself before I get some help its misconstrued

I can’t trust my family or my friends so I wild out in public
Hopin’ that a stranger will be entranced by my trauma dumping
I fall in a hole left in my heart [?] something
I’m not strong enough to face this monster, so I’m fuckin’ running

[Chorus 1]
You better!
Run! Run! Run! Run! Run!
‘Cause you know there’ll be some hell to pay
You better!
Run! Run! Run! Run! Run!
Fuck if you look back it won’t be safe

[Verse 2]
Belly filled with scars
And a report filled up with absences
All because I can’t look back in the eye of the basilisk

At this point I don't fuckin’ care
Put me inside the fucking chair
Rather than be shot than survive have to live life without you here
And I, think about how I could forgive you
Hope that feeling doesn’t persevere

So many messages you sent, I only sent 2
Over the course of years, man that's a fucked up point of view
Bearer of bad news, so I write this
Being so delayed I’ll start this sprint

Away from responsibilities and I'll lose the plot
Why did you name me your heir before we fucking talked
Why’d the fuck you have to die before my lights are out
Why the fuck did you have to die before I fuckin’ made you proud

Do we love each other
I don't know still
I don't know still
I don't know still

I spent most of my life without you in my fucking house
Then I’m not even sure why you started reaching out

I wasn't ready
I wasn't ready
I couldn’t accept that someone could be so fucking petty
I couldn't accept that somebody could just take my life, and
Just have to live their own in spite, but

The fact is that you will never know my real name
Because you died before I
Figured it out, in a lot of ways
I was powerless, to your fucking gaze

I’m full of cowardice
And honestly I should've processed this
Way before you died
My first instinct was to run
My first instinct was to stay alive

Another fucking night I heard it
Was the first night in years
That I fucking cried
Hope to heaven when I get there that you’re there
And my entry ain't denied