Dehumanized

Whatever consequences are ahead I'm ready
That was the lie I told myself while I was unsteady
What followed I couldn't have prepared for
Caution was ineffective against the trauma in store
How many borrowed this flesh / Were not impressed
Left me oppressed / Put me in a state of unrest
I couldn't say stop / Couldn't say no
How was I supposed to know how far things would go
The area between my shoulders / Not a good place
Depression / Anxiety / Fighting over the same place
Edgy eyes / A cracked focus
Paralyzing fatigue / Mind's kaleidoscopic
Crippling palpitations / Unnerving thoughts
Omni isolation / A lone burial plot
Help I'm buried under the dirt on my name
I'm being crushed by the enormous shame
I concede as I sink deeper into this hole
Still worried about obstacles I can't control
I am trapped in a panicked state I repress
Subdued in a world of neglect and stress
An attempted evasion led to this situation
Ultimately, it worsened my skewed discretion
Energy reserves are dangerously depleted
I breathe, but I'm decrepit and defeated

I'm so Dehumanized

Reoccurring the moments flicker in my head
Violently disturbing me while I toss in my bed
The night tremors worsen the longer I conceal
The images I delude to believe are real
These endorphins are coursing / I'm going insane
So numb I can't feel the blood crawling in my veins
If I were a cloud floating in the sky
Rain would accrue / Always on standby
Cause I'm vulnerable / Not by choice
Miserable / Not by choice
Invisible / Not by choice
Inconsolable / Not by choice
I'm meeting the start of my pleading
Deleting any urge of deceiving
I'm aching so bad I'm quaking and breaking
Making me realize there's no mistaking
Dreams repeatedly morph into nightmares
Escape is a self-deception / I'm always ensnared
Morality: A concept of which I'm unaware
This emotional wreck is in dire need of repair
Forgiveness: Am I deserving of such an ask
Bearing this guilt is such an arduous task
It cost me my soul looking for joy
The price of freedom was more than I could afford

I'm so Dehumanized

Can anyone confirm my identity
Am I a part of humanity or a new entity
Maybe I'm just a manifestation of people's wills
Placed in their lives with one purpose to fulfill
Each avenue I travel leads to the same destination
"Welcome to your life" / One is the entire population
What's right always ends up being wrong
What's left is a person who will never belong
Perfection: A quixotic ambition I couldn't achieve
Resentment: Residing in a town it can't leave
Happiness outlawed / Optimism not an option
Incarceration imminent for having basic emotions
A pool of sorrow is now a polluted ocean
I drown in daily haphazardly broken
I reach out just to be robbed of my extremities
Infected with an incurable disease
Organ functions irreversibly decreased
Heart pressured the weight is too heavy
I'm holding my breath / Making threats
Who claims responsibility for my death
Recount the intruders / So much they stole
Their ravaging turned gold into coal
Outside I'm abandoned / Inside I'm so cold
I'm more than an outcast / Forever less than whole

Is my perception a self-crafted illusion
Are my struggles a part of being human
Or am I the only one