Dear Auntie

[Intro]
Dear Auntie Beeb

[Chorus]
Don't take away our radio
We need a place - a place to go
Where we can play our favourite shows
Don't take away our radio

[Verse 1]
When I first heard the word about BBC 6 I thought
"This is absurd, is the BBC sick?"
It rocked the airwaves enough to keep me seasick
But it's the first to get sunk - can we believe it?
And I thought pirates were meant to be the problem
But obviously not 'cause your lot's already got some
Doctor, doctor, what's your option
What are you going to drop from the roster to cost cut?
The Asian Network plays the best work
Of a strain of the nation that strains to get heard
And now you're severing the nerves of a massive demographic
It's not a very clever tactic, is it?
The last bastions of unsigned action
Independents depend on it for traction
Ask Lamacq or Bobby Friction for his reaction
My prediction isn't one of satisfaction
Do the maths, it's a simple subtraction:
Take away the stations and you chase away the talent
Listening figures isn't your biggest purpose
It's first and foremost to provide public service
I'm not saying other stations are worthless
But adverts are adverse and make me nervous
We deserve to have a say in what we'd like to see
I mean after all, we pay the licence fee

[Chorus]
Don't take away our favourite shows
Don't take away our radio
Don't take away our favourite shows
Don't take away our radio

[Verse 2]
You need to appeal to the people that feel John Peel
And want to keep it real
So please, pretty Beeb, we appeal for a new deal
We'd be pleased if the spiel was repealed
D.B. sees what's needed to escape from the danger zone:
More DAB radios in the nation's homes
The audience is there, they just need connecting
In the same way your arrangement needs correcting
Next thing on the list that's vexing
Bloody everybody is you spending money like it's never ending
Even a yellow bellied Teletubby could tell us it's crazy
Laa-Laa; Lady Gaga
Pay me half of what you pay to Clarkson
I'll be laughing like I can't keep a straight face, straight up
If there's a budgetary deficit to make up
Then wake up and give Big Jeremy a pay cut

[Chorus]
Don't take away our favourite shows
Don't take away our radio
Don't take away our favourite shows
Don't take away our radio

[Verse 3]
There's enough talent out here for like forty channels
But we only get to hear the top forty sellers
You're running it like Basil does to Fawlty Towers
Literally - ask Andrew Sachs, he could talk for hours
About how he was pushed about as Manuel
Then Johnny Ross and Russell Brand did it as well
Man, Johnny Rotten wouldn't slag the living Hell
Out of an old man's grandkid on his cell
Well, if Russell Brand and the six million dollar man
Are the cream of the crop then you can hang the DJ

* Radio 1 - sweet for teenagers
* Radio 2 - great if you're really ancient
* Radio 3 - for those of a refined taste
* Radio 4 - all talking and giant brains
* Radio 5 - only sport fans are tuned in
* Radio 6 - it's the music we're losing

[Chorus]
Don't take away our radio
We will complain until you know
It's a mistake - I'm afraid so
Don't take away our radio