Dan’s Diss Track (ROAST YOURSELF CHALLENGE)

[Prologue (Spoken)]
Hello internet!
My name is Dan, and today, I am going to roast myself with a diss track
Fuck, I just hit myself in the fa–okay, let's– let's do this

[Intro]
A month without uploading, he comes back with a tag (Whoo)
That no one even tagged him in, he’s not a challenge to drag (Ouch)
So prepare for an attack, and by that I mean cringe (Cringe)
'Cause this motherfucker's 'bout to get dragged by his fringe

[Verse 1]
First things first, you’re freakishly tall
It’s weird, you look like a noodle (True)
You’ve got hair that was cool in 2007
And wet, you just look like a poodle (Hobbit)
Throw in a really annoying posh voice and, yup, that’s Dan (Posh)
You’re what would happen if Winnie the Pooh fucked Slender Man
You procrastinate making videos 'cause being judged is scary? (Ooh)
You’re so close to being forgotten, the hate’s imaginary (Woah)
The only reason you get views is you’re another white guy
That people ship with his friend 'cause they think it’s "kawaii"

[Interlude]
Oh?
"Reasons Why Dan's A Fail!! (yay)"
I’ll give you some

[Verse 2]
You never tweet, you overeat
All you do is cry and sleep
Your jokes are shitposts and memes with no originality (Uh-huh)
Your family’s sad you flopped your law degree at university
And anything embarrassing that's from your past, you just delete
You were vegan for, like, three weeks – then what, you missed the meat? (Milk)
Wow, I'm so impressed by your clear moral integrity
You try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic
But can’t make toast without Tumblr saying you’re problematic (Boo)
I could go on, there’s more if I check
There’s more things on this list than chins on your neck
On your birthday, you joked you were a quarter way to death?
A hundred? Yeah, when getting out of bed makes you out of breath?
So your celebrity crush was J-Law, but now it’s Evan P? (Mm-hmm)
What the fuck even is your sexuality?
It’s hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry (What is it?)
I think it’s just to hide that you’re secretly a furry
(*cough* I'm-I’m joking... obviously...)

[Bridge]
Okay, that went deep
Repress it? Yup!
Before I start crying, let’s wrap this shit up

[Verse 3]
I’m gonna go and masturbate, then cry into a slice of pizza (Feelings)
Shout out to the other YouTubers, especially Ryan Higa​
A cringe compilation mixed with cultural appropriation
Met with no depreciation, it’s the YouTube nation
Click subscribe, if you wanna watch 4 videos a year (Or 3)
To see my last one from ten years ago, just click over here (Fail)
So leave a comment with your reaction, you can call me a liar
'Cause you just witnessed the roast of danisnotonfire